Having just turned 50 a few days ago, you might be forgiven for expecting that by now I would have figured a few things out. How to create stability in my life. How to have a healthy relationship. How to let only people capable of healthy relationships into my life. How to exclude people unable to treat me with love and respect from my life. Yeah, you could be forgiven for missing that one…by about a mile and a half.
I always figured that by this point in my life things would have settled down for me. Career, family, relationship- all of those things would have settled into a pleasant and easily understandable rhythm. Yeah, right; here I am, heavily invested in convincing myself that 50 ain’t nuthin’ but a number…and still arguably without a freakin’ clue. After almost a year and a half, I’ve finally managed to extricate myself- actually and emotionally- from a situation I should have run from early on. I look back and wonder how such an ostensibly intelligent person can allow himself to remain enmeshed in such a demonstrably unhealthy and unpleasant situation. I’d like to say that I have an answer…but I really don’t. Sometimes the dreamer and romantic in me gets well ahead of my rational, intellectual side…and I learn all over again my heart and my head are all too often reading conflcting instructions. Some assembly required….
Thankfully, I realize that I’m a very fortunate person with a lot going for me. I’m a good person who deserves to have good people in my life who will treat me with love and respect. I can be a handful, and I’m not always the easiest person to be with, but I like my life…and not just because it beats the alternative. I may not be very good at finding and creating healthy and happy relationships, and I’ve certainly had more than my share of major screw-ups along the way, but I like where the path has led. I can hardly wait to find out where the next fork in the road takes me…because I’ll be doing it with a sense of freedom and a smile on my face.
Game on, eh?? ;-)
