Do you like cereal? Do you like eating multiple cereals at once? Do you have any dignity? If you answered yes to the first two and no to the last, then The Cereal Bowl in the now semi-revived Cleveland Park might just be for you! Even though there really is nothing more simple, nothing that connects man more with his roots, than his ability to put cereal in a bowl, add milk, fruit, whatever, and eat it, for breakfast, in his home, this task can now be completed for $4 at a place of business. This is either the stupidest concept ever, or… nope, nope. This is the stupidest concept ever…. Some say having a place like this makes us as cool as New York. These people have not been to New York…. We’re just scared for the next idiotic, gimmicky place that will call the District home: “Random shit for pregnant chicks.” “The Stoner’s Pantry.” “Tap Water on Tap…”
It’s been a running joke for many years among those who know me, especially the women who have come and gone in my life, that my breakfast habits are ridiculously simple and consistent. Two 16-oz. mugs of coffee and a big-ass bowl of cereal (muesli or shredded mini-wheat). That’s it. Nothing fancy, no difficult preparation- just coffee, cereal, and vanilla-flavored soy milk. It really is the perfect breakfast, and while it’s as boring as the day is long, I’m a creature of habit…and when the habit works, I tend to stick with it.
I’ve often thought that if I were to ever go out for breakfast, which I rarely do, I’d want to find a place where I could get- you guessed it- two 16-oz. mugs of coffee and a big-ass bowl of cereal. Of course, that’s never going to happen, because no self-respecting entrepreneur could ever hope to make a living off selling only cereal and coffee. Well, that may be true in Portland, but it’s apparently no longer true in Washington, DC, where cereal has now entered the competitive world of haute cuisine. Yes, you can get everything from Lucky Charms to Frosted Flakes to plain, old-fashioned oatmeal. Oh, and the staff’s uniforms are pajamas. Wow…it’s almost like there’s a theme or something going on, eh?? Or perhaps this is God’s (if there is one) way of telling DC yuppies that they make too damn much money.
If I was a braver man, or if I possessed even the barest shred of entrepreneurial drive, I might just want to bring this concept to Portland. While yuppies in Washington may be willing to throw $4 at a bowl of cereal, I have a hard time seeing anyone here in Puddletown willingly doing the same thing. Of course, I may be generalizing based on my own morning behavior, but breakfast for me involves stumbling into the kitchen, making a pot of coffee, and tracking down my cereal. Why would I want to leave home to do that?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a refill on my coffee….
