July 5, 2010 6:37 AM

People unclear on the concept of...satire

“It was never our intention to cause a national crisis and misguide American citizens regarding the differences between the pig and the unicorn,” said Scott Kauffman, President and CEO of Geeknet. “In fact, ThinkGeek’s canned unicorn meat is sparkly, a bit red, and not approved by any government entity.”

I’ve never tasted unicorn meat, so I’m hardly an expert on the relative merits. Still, even I can recognize satire from a safe distance. You’d think that the National Pork Board would be at least as well-equipped as I am to recognize and dismiss satire. Besides, anyone who’s read anything at all to their children can tell you the difference between a pig and a unicorn.

Of course, if I was inclined to be chowing down on unicorn meat, you can damnwellbetcha that I wouldn’t be getting it out of a can. When’s the last time that any sort of even halfway edible meat came out of a can? I grew up in the homeland of Spam…and I can’t stomach the thought (or the smell) of canned meat.

Memo to the Worker’s Heroes of the National Pork Board: Jeebus, lighten up, willya? I’m not sure how canned unicorn meat infringes on your “Other White Meat” trademark, and I sure as Hell can’t see how it’s worth a 12-page cease-and-desist letter. Don’t y’all have better things to be doing…like boinking government regulators and snorting crystal meth off toaster ovens??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on July 5, 2010 6:37 AM.

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