Parents, are you tired of your whiny, smelly offspring? Are you sick of your pathetic little urchin leaking copiously from every orifice and making a mess of…well, everything? Do you miss the carefree days when you could stay out until dawn, have sex on the kitchen floor, and snort coke and do Jose Cuervo shots off the backsides of call girls? Are you sick to death of having to play the “responsible parent”? Yes, I feel your pain…which is why I’ve never contributed to producing offspring (that I know of). Luckily for you, though, help may be on the way, and your local Friendly’s might just have the answer you’re looking for. Behold, the 2,300 Mac & Cheese Quesadilla, and- no joke- it’s on Friendly’s Kid’s Menu. Why teach your child proper nutrition when they can dig their grave with their teeth? Even better, it carries far fewer legal risks than handing your urchin a loaded pistol and teaching them them the intricacies of Russian Roulette.
If plying your miniature barf machine with quesadillas seems a bit too slow for you…well, then how about some dessert for the little ingrate? Why not treat them early and often with “a Shirley Temple and Friend-z Peanut Butter Cup shake for the complimentary beverage and dessert”? If adults can clog their arteries with unhealthy and dangerous, artery-busting food choices, then shouldn’t kids have the same options available to them?
Don’t worry…you can thank me later…. ;-)
