OK, so it’s no secret that I spend a lot of time online. I’ll own up to being FASCINATED by the depth and breadth of ephemera available online…from human stupidity to scholarly research to…yet more human stupidity. Yes, there’s a LOT of human stupidity out there on da Interwebs. Having grown up in the “better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt” era, I’m constantly amazed at how much the Internet has changed our world. Pre-Internet, people might have thought twice before advertising their silliness, lack of common sense, and intellectual agility. Now, in what seems to be a 24/7/365 episode of “Short Attention Span Theater”, stupid is currency, the lingua franca which all of humanity seems conversant in. You think I’m kidding?
So you’ve always wanted to be able to tell you boss to go fornicate himself (or herself) in Gkvwbjgsmrwapylps?? Well, thanks to the magic of da Interweb, you can. In fact, you an translate your irrational attempt at career suicide in about a gazillion different languages. Just be sure that you’re smiling when you take the plunge, eh?
If you really, really, REALLY can’t stand your douchebag of a neighbor, what better way to express your distaste for them then by dousing them with a bucket full of vomit, urine, and soft feces. Yes, nothing says “I hate you, you dirtbag!!” quite like a biohazard attack, eh??
Honestly, how awesome is it when one of the first headlines you see is “Jeff Greene DENIES Rumors Of Awesome Parties On His Vomit-Covered Mega-Yacht”
You know you’re well on your way to being a completely irrelevant butt of many jokes when you’re Orly Taitz. Rule #1: No, you’re NOT above the law. Rule #2, when in doubt…oh, never mind…. “Orly Taitz” has become a code phrase for peals of guffaws and laughter at her expense.
If you were in charge of one of the most repressive regimes on the face of the planet (for our purposes, we’ll call it “North Korea”), where would you turn for advice? How about Twitter??
You have to know you’ve arrived when you can hire a PR guru AND go to a Barry Manilow concert. It may be good to be King, but it’s great to be Steven Slater.
How to succeed in American politics today? Be the firstest with the haterest. Or just be Rick Scott, who never met a non-White, non-Christian, non-wealthy human he couldn’t hate for any reason…or no reason at all. HATERADE!!! If you look in the dictionary under “douchebag”, you’ll find a picture of Rick Scott.
You have to know that your political career is over when…. In John McCain’s case, it’s when a campaign ad features his impending death as he wanders in a demented haze through the Arizona desert.
Tune in tomorrow, when I’ll probably have a raging headache and a bruised forehead from pounding my head against a freakin’ wall. If I were a better, more forgiving, and more understanding person, I’d just relax and let the stoopid wash over me. Unfortunately, I’m not…so I have to use this forum to vent myself many and varied frustrations.
And you thought it was easy being King…. ;-)
