August 10, 2010 6:16 AM

Not exactly love in the time of cholera, is it?

Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.

  • Dorothy Parker

I spend a good deal of time looking around and listening…and these days I hear a lot of frustration and anger. It’s understandable, I suppose, given the overall condition of our national condition. I feel it myself; frustration is understandable when things aren’t going your way…and I’m hardly alone in this respect. Still unemployed, I’m frustrated, and I find myself wrestling with emotions ranging from fear to uncertainty to creeping impotence. Generally, I think I manage to find mature and creative ways to deal with what I’m feeling (pictures of cute kittens seem to help soothe the savage beast), but that doesn’t seem to be universal. Consider that man who decided to express his displeasure with his local Taco John’s by driving up to the drive-through window and tossing a live snake at the employee inside (I SAID LARGE FRIES!!!). While this may seem a bit of an overreaction, it makes more sense when you consider that Mexican fast food restaurants (Taco Bell in this case) are apparently heavily engaged in trying to kill off its customer base. Remember; when Mexican fast food restaurants are outlawed, only outlaws will eat at Mexican fast food restaurants….

Speaking of things that might drive me to throw snakes at fast food workers: can we PLEASE declare that the 3-D movie fad is over? Good God, y’all… what sort of gimmicky crap is this? As if movie tickets weren’t already ridiculously expensive enough, now studios think we’ll pay more to see Julia Roberts’ breasts leap off the screen at us. Then again….

And when did we allow government to get into regulating baby names? Just because a couple named their child “Adolph Hitler Campbell”…well, does that give the nanny state the right to strip the parents of custody rights? Well, now that you mention it…naming your child after one of the worst despots of the 20th century just might be a helluva good reason. Jeebus, imagine being that poor kid and having to go through life having to answer to “Adolph Hitler Campbell”?

Given the state of our economy and our fragile national psyche, you’d think the Loyal Opposition would be addressing our situation with an air of gravitas appropriate to the circumstances. Nice try. What we’re getting instead is a Republican Congressional candidate in Minnesota pulling the Monster Truck of Christ. I guess when you’re running against the only Muslim member of Congress, you can’t very well resort to images of planes flying into the Twin Towers on 9.11, can you? Ah, well…it’s only August. That sort of thing is probably better suited for late September or October, anyway….

If you’re really looking for something to be angry about, you should probably be focusing your bile on those who didn’t warn you that being a History major would ruin your life. Apparently, being almost unbeatable at Trivial Pursuit may be a great party trick, and it may even help you get laid…but it won’t do anything good for your earning potential over the course of your career. Well, that certainly explains a lot….

And just when you’d begun to think that people would be applauding good, God-fearing, patriotic Americans for watching out for the safety and security of our beloved Vaterland Homeland, political correctness once again rears it’s ugly head. An employee at a Subway restaurant in North Chicago was fired, arrested, charged with disorderly conduct, and fined $75 for asking a Pakistani customer if he was being recruited to be a terrorist. Can’t a guy stand up for his country anymore?? Cue the PC police to stand down, already….

As if it wasn’t bad enough that Michelle Obama flaunted her elitism by going on vacation to Spain, we have to listen to the media trumpeting Rush Limbaugh’s hateful, racist propaganda about Mrs. Obama. His claim? That the media is giving Mrs. Obama a free pass due to our “slave past”. Excuse me? I think the media has been all over Mrs. Obama’s garish and gaudy vacation. After all, didn’t they breathlessly dissect her mid-day change of shoes in Ronda? Apparently, they were unable to catch her seducing a bellboy or room service waiter….

To make matters even worse, Sandra Bullock has been reduced to getting a restraining order. Damn, Sandra…I told you that I’d stop hiding in your closet so I could watch you undress. Cut a guy some slack, willya?? Just because I broke into your house and rummaged through your panties…well, that doesn’t mean I’m a stalker or anything….

To demonstrate what should be considered the last straw in the decline and fall of Western Civilization, Montana will be making medical marijuana cards available to people not even FROM Montana. Hmm…I wonder how much a one-bedroom apartment goes for in Billings these days?…

In closing, let me leave you with this piece of joyous news: Stephen Hawking is saying that mankind must move to outer space or face extinction. The good news is that if you’re looking for some oceanfront property on the Sea of Tranquility, the market may be ripe….

You see? America may well be going to Hell in a handbasket, but it really is SO much easier when you break thinks down scientifically, don’tchathink??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 10, 2010 6:16 AM.

Leadership? Nope, nothin' to see here...move along, sheeple.... was the previous entry in this blog.

Spanish fluency and a CPR certification are a plus is the next entry in this blog.

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