Rampant “dogging” at the Hog’s Back “lay-by” (or, public f——-g at a rest stop) near Puttenham, England has officially grossed out the locals. So the county council has proposed filling the field with cattle to keep people from boning there. A field adjacent to the Hog’s Back lay-by on the A31 highway is “being used for all kinds of sexual activity night and day,” according to The Telegraph, and area residents have just about had enough. Many, like the parents of students at a preschool that is within eyesight of the field, want the lay-by closed for good. But the Surrey County Council has another idea: Fill the field with bulls.
You have to know that you live in a rather bucolic environment when your biggest problem happens to be travelers gettin’ busy at the local rest stop. In typical “No Sex Please, We’re British” style (apologies to Alan Ayckbourn), the locals are aghast that those passing through are getting something they apparently aren’t. As we all know, sex is dirty, nasty, AND evil…when you’re not getting any. Accordingly, the fine, upstanding citizens of Puttenham have their panties in a wad over the perverted licentiousness of those defiling their “lay-by”. Hell, if they were smart about it, someone would put up a Motel 6 near the lay-by and charge by the hour. TWO problems solved: locals can go back to thinking they live in a safe, sanitary, perversion-free environment…and the local tax base would get a boost. (Memo to Puttenham prudes: you can thank me later.)
Of course, this being rural Britain, where most problem-solving involves livestock in some form or manner, some wag had the bright idea to fill the field near the lay-by with cows. Apparently no one stopped to realize that livestock could generally care less if humans are having illicit sex in their midst. Never mind that introducing cows into an already sexually-charged environment introduces a whole new level of strange fetish potential to the problem.
WHAT ABOUT THE POOR, IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN???
