There is, remarkably, a 28-year-old woman who is running for Congress from Virginia named Krystal Ball…. As we have, apparently, noted in the past, this woman is quite attractive, in terms of fornication. But we wrote that before photos showed up on the Internet of her fellating a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer dildo on her then-husband’s face at a Christmas party. Will Krystal Ball be the first dildo-fellating member of Congress? No, certainly not! Probably every current member of Congress has done this…. Krystal Ball has responded by saying it’s really sexist to post these photos.
People frequently ask me, “Gee, Jack; you have a lot to say. Why don’t YOU run for political office?” Well, actually, no one asks me that, but this is my imagination at play here…so work with me, willya?? Allow me my delusions; it’s safer that way.
Actually, I don’t run for office because my private life is no one’s business but my own, and I simply refuse to offer that much of myself up for public scrutiny. Then again, I’d certainly be feeling the same way if there were pictures on da Interwebs of me fellating a dildo that someone happened to be wearing…on their head.
Now, I’d normally expect that a candidate battling this sort of bad press would be a Republican…and in most cases, I suspect that this would be the case. Krystal Ball (and really, were her parents high when the named her??) just happens to be a Democrat with a dildo problem. I’ve written quite a lot about politicians, their peccadilloes, and the associated scandals over the past nine years, but I think I can safely say that this is a first for me. Never have I written about a Congressional candidate sucking on a dildo that a guy happens to be wearing on his forehead. Yes, there was alcohol involved, and yes, it was a Christmas party, but damn, Ms. Ball’s got some ‘splainin’ to do, eh??
Ms. Ball is, understandably I suppose, quite angry about this emerging scandal, if it can be called that, but it does raise a question that’s germane to today’s political environment. SHOULD anyone who has provably fellated a dildo at a Christmas party be considered fit to serve in Congress? As one Conservative blogger put it, “WHAT’S UP WITH DEMOCRATS AND DILDOS?” It’s a question I have no answer for.
Ball, to her credit, is taking the political smart tack. She knows that, by attacking reports of her antics as “sexist”, she stands a pretty good chance of being able to mitigate the damage from her…um, “youthful indiscretion”.
This is EXACTLY why I never go to Christmas parties…or let anyone near me with a camera. ‘Course, Lord only knows what would happen to me if some of the things I did during my college years or shortly thereafter came to light. No doubt I’d be buying the silence of a LOT of people….
