Congratulations! On your road to glory you: Ingested 257,575,140 calories. Consumed 13,832,739 grams of fat. Inhaled 496,070,640 milligrams of sodium. Took in 21,464,595 grams of carbohydrates. Packed on 73,592.90 pounds. You spent $1,779,176.43 trying to win a $500 prize.
OK, so you’ve decided that playing McDonald’s Monopoly game is your one, best, and only shot at a retirement plan in this sucky economy. How much money will you need to “invest” in order to win a $500 prize? Well, if these numbers are correct, you’re going to need to break out the emergency pants AND wear out your wallet. In short, you’ll end up fat, broke, and likely on the receiving end of a visit from an EMT bearing a crash cart. Let’s hope you’re current on your life insurance premiums, eh?
The good news is that if you can figure out how to monetize all of that fat and sodium, you could retire to an island with a lap band clinic…’cuz you’re certainly going to need one.
I do know one thing: McDonald’s really needs a new and more honest marketing campaign. How about this:
MCDONALD’S: KILLING AMERICANS SINCE 1958.
Kinda catchy, don’tchathink?? Somehow, though, I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t be laying awake at night waiting for the call from McDonald’s marketing department. Honesty isn’t sexy. Then again, if Americans knew what they’re actually putting into their bodies…they’d probably continue eating it. They’re just that stupid.
