(CBS) With the ink barely dry in the case against Four Loko, the caffeinated alcoholic drink popular with college kids and very unpopular with health regulators, attention is moving to the new kid on the block - an alcohol-infused whipped creams. Whipped Lightning, a popular new product, contains 18 percent alcohol, according to food catalog listings. That’s two to three times what you get from most beers. Another topping called Cream has 15 percent alcohol. Both are gaining ground on college campuses, according to local reports here, here, and here. Neither has run afoul of health regulators to this point. Earlier this month, the FDA told Four Loko and several other manufacturers of caffeinated alcoholic drinks that their products were not considered safe and should be taken from shelves.
Remember when the media, and by extension the nation, was all atwitter over the evil scourge and threat to Our Way of Life © that was Four Loko?? Yeah, I know; that was SO last week. In the space of…what, a month?…we went from Four Loko being the one thing that threated to destroy our planet and all forms of life inhabiting it to…well, yesterday’s news. Man, you almost can’t tell the threats to society without a program, eh??
Today’s dispatch is from the “My God, What Will Our Children Do To Poison Themselves Next?” Department. Yes, the latest threat to the welfare of our young ‘uns is…wait for it…alcoholic whipped cream. Yes, that’s right; “Whipped Lightning” is a new (and, frankly, freakin’ BRILLIANT) combination of alcohol and delicious whipped cream that promises to make your pumpkin pie the hit of this year’s Christmas dinner.
Sure, I could wax rhapsodic and at some length about how our college-age children seem Hell-bent on dying from alcohol poisoning, but I’m trying to figure out how my generation failed to come up with this idea. I mean, just think of the possibilities! Some Whipped Lightning on that Irish Coffee, or on the boring old apple pie…it’s like a party in a can. Maybe now you can finally convince your Significant Other than introducing some whipped cream into your…um, extracurricular activities might just be what the doctor ordered to spice things up.
Really…how in the Hell is it that my generation never came up with some so beautifully simple and freakin’ brilliant?? And what will our children discover next that might place them in mortal peril??
