Sometimes, living well really IS the best revenge

SAN FRANCISCO — Daniel Balsam hates spam. Most everybody does, of course. But he has acted on his hate as few have, going far beyond simply hitting the delete button. He sues them. Eight years ago, Balsam was working as a marketer when he received one too many e-mail pitches to enlarge his breasts. Enraged, he launched a Web site called Danhatesspam.com, quit a career in marketing to go to law school and is making a decent living suing companies who flood his e-mail inboxes with offers of cheap drugs, free sex and unbelievable vacations…. “I feel like I’m doing a little bit of good cleaning up the Internet,” Balsam said.

Anyone who’s been on da Interwebs and had an email account for more than 10 minutes knows how annoying spam can be. Whether your getting emails promising a larger penis (always something I’m fretting about) or millions of dollars just for providing someone in Nigeria your bank account number, it’s a pain in the butt. We’ve all experienced it, we’ve all whined about it, we’ve all thought of the myriad ways in which we’d dismember those responsible…and yet few of us have ever done anything about it. And then along came Daniel Balsam, who has probably done more to improve productivity and reduce aggravation than anyone since Martin Luther nailed his 97 pretty good ideas to the door of a church somewhere in Germany.

Balsam, who started a website to provide information and resources to those who hate and despise spam, should be hailed as a modern-day hero for his dedication to ridding the world of spam. OK, so danhatesspam.com isn’t going to win any design awards…but given that Balsam is doing the Lord’s work, I’m inclined to let the Geocities-era design slide. It’s all good when you’re you’ve dedicated your career to ridding da Interwebs of the one thing that cheapens and complicates the experience for all of us who spend time online.

Sure, Balsam is only one man, and his work barely puts a dent in the estimated 200 BILLION spam messages circulating online each and every day. I find it hard not to admire a man who has made eradicating spam his personal mission…and a paying career. Given that the law still lags far behind the current realities of da Interwebs, Balsam often finds himself trying to slay an elephant with the equivalent of a cap pistol. Still, it’s hard not to admire someone willing to use the meager legal resources currently available to fight the good fight in the best way he can.

Not every war is fought and won quickly with overwhelming tactical and technical superiority. Some wars still resemble David’s struggle with Goliath, and fighting with a slingshot requires patience, agility, and the will to see the battle through, because it’s meant to be a long slog. Such is Daniel Balsam’s war…but we should all recognize that we owe him a debt of gratitude.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find out how I can get myself a larger penis….