Virginia, fresh off the thrilling conservative victory of getting a Republican judge to rule part of Obamacare unconstitutional, is now looking to ban gays from the National Guard in its state…. Republican state Del. Bob Marshall is leading the charge on this legislation and very coincidentally is said to be interested in a run for U.S. Senate. “This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” he said, images of sweaty gay penises dancing in his head. Hope your muskets are cleaned and ready to go, straight Virginia, because the federal government’s camouflaged agents may try to take back that bit of its military you just tried to cut loose from it…. Those countries that we’re occupying really have this whole gay thing figured out. Bob Marshall is right: Americans should all convert to Islam immediately, because it has a better moral code.
It’s nice to know that, in a world that makes less sense on an almost daily basis, there are fine, upstanding Conservative Christian patriots in Virginia looking to return America to the era of Hester Prynne its roots. Yes, not only will they return Virginia to the True Path of Righteousness, they may well take the Virginia National Guard with them. Of course, the federal government just might have a thing or two to say about this, but did the Confederacy fold at Ft. Sumter? No, they stood their ground and they fought. Yes, they surrendered at Appomattox Courthouse four years later, but by then they’d made their point and set the table for today’s modern-day American patriots. Victory accrues to the patient and the persistent, no?
How concerned is Bob Marshall? He’s so concerned about the future of his beloved Commonwealth that he’s hanging out at rest stops. Marshall’s looking for like-minded Virginians willing to embrace his sweaty, throbbing, engorged vision of an America where the federal government doesn’t force their Liberal social engineering down the throats of good, God-fearing, homoerotic patriots. After all, when government tells us who we can and can’t hate, do we really have any claim to the fundamental liberties our Forefathers intended us to have?
