To usher 2010 out (or, more appropriately, to kick it in the ass as it departs the premises), it seems appropriate to kick the corpse a few more time. Yeah, 2010 sucked donkey balls, and I can’t say that I’m going to miss it. Still and all, it does beat the alternative, eh? At least I, and all of you are still drawing breath. Things can only go up from here…right? RIGHT??
MAYBE HE WAS AN INTERN AT MURDER, INC: Here’s a tip: If you’re going to commit murder, it’s probably not a good idea to stuff the body into a suitcase and then wheel said suitcase down a busy street in Manhattan. In broad daylight.
BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU: Man, you have to know that we’re accomplishing roughly nothing in Afghanistan when the country’s President, Hamid Karzai, is longing for the “Golden Age” of BushWorld. This apparently came out after Karzai had a rousing game of “F—k Your Buddy” with the American Ambassador and Gen. David Petraeus.
STUPID- THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING…AND GIVING: Only in America could a non-entity like Orly Taitz continue to extend her 15 minutes to something approaching infinity. Yeah, now she’s writing a play. About a “birther” in the Army. Who was court-martialed for refusing an order to deploy to Afghanistan. Yeah; glorifying dereliction of duty. That’s what the Far Right has come to.
IS THERE EVER A BAD TIME TO TALK ABOUT SATAN?: Well, kudos to the little girl for looking out for her uncle. Let’s hope it did him some good, eh?
THE “GAY AGENDA” IS NOW COMING FOR THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT: Yeah, I know; we used to think that “Gay Republican” was Latin for “steeped in self-loathing”. Now we’re learning that it really means “we’re coming for you and your GOP“…and Conservative leaders are not happy about it.
NOW THERE’S SOME FINE, PRINCIPLED CONSERVATIVE LEADERSHIP: OK, so you’re Governor of New Jersey. You’re state’s about to be pummeled by a blizzard that shut down most of the eastern seaboard. So what do you do? Well, if you’re Chris Christie, and you said, “I’m going to Disney World!!”, well, tell him what he’s won, Johnny!!
WHEN YOU DO IT, IT’S IMMORAL. WHEN WE DO IT, IT’S CONSTITUENT SERVICE: You really do have to admire the commitment of Republicans to reducing the soul-crushing deficit that this country faces…except when that Republican is Richard Shelby, on whose behalf half a BILLION dollars is being wasted because he’s just bringing home the bacon to Alabama.
TEA PARTY ETHICS…AN OXYMORON: Silly wabbit; you were thinking that the Tea Party was all about setting a new tone and doing things differently. Yeah, right. Nepotism and political tone-deafness is the same, regardless if it’s a Republican, Democrat, or Teabagger. Say hello to the new boss…same as the old boss. Remember, power corrupts; absolute power is kinda fun.
TRULY, MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE: For those of you who worship all things Patrick Swayze, you can now die satisfied knowing that now the late, great actor now has his own wax figurine…not that it looks anything like him.
YOU CAN HAVE MY STOLI WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD FINGERS: Can anyone tell us why (or even if) North Carolina banned the sale of alcohol during last weekend’s blizzard? Doesn’t this seem like cruel and unusual punishment? After all, what better way to ride out Snowpocalypse than to mainline a fifth of Wild Turkey??
THE WAR ON DRUGS, BROUGHT TO YOU BY PFIZER: After 40 years and $1 trillion dollars wasted on the war on drugs, we’ve been reduced to going to Portugal in search of answers. So, how’s that whole “Reefer Madness” thing working out for you??
SLACKERS- IT’S MORE THAN JUST A MOVIE; IT’S A CAREER PATH: You have to know that things REALLY, REALLY, REALLY suck when the government has to change the definition of “long-term unemployment” from two years to five. Your dog wants steak…but you can’t afford it.
IF YOU WERE MEANT TO HAVE A BABY, HALLIBURTON WOULD HAVE ISSUED YOU ONE: It’s not bad enough that you work for one of the most corrupt corporations known to mankind. What makes it even worse is that the corporate overlords in their infinite wisdom have instituted a policy banning procreation.
COMING SOON TO A SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY NEAR YOU: You have to know that you have WAY too much time on your hands when you’re obsessing over whether Justin Bieber kissed his alleged girlfriend/devoted sex slave.
