You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- George Carlin
I’m not really in the mood to delve into anything deep, meaningful, and/or that requires anything resembling critical thought today…so I’ve decided that, since it’s Friday, I’m going to focus on passing along a few lessons I’ve learned along the way. Consider it my gift to my readers, presented in the hope that y’all don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made along the way…. ;-)
There’s a reason I don’t shop at WalMart…and while it doesn’t have anything to do with finding razor blades in ice cream, it probably should. Then again, it might just have something to do with finding semen in yogurt, which, while less dangerous is certainly no less disturbing- though it probably does increase the protein content. Ah, so THAT’S what’s different about Greek yogurt….
Since most recreational hallucinogens are illegal, you might consider spending a day watching CPAC. This collection of Social Conservatives, culture warriors, arrogant zealots, and self-absorbed self-promoters would easily alter the perceived reality of most sane, well-adjusted observers. Reality may be for people who can’t handle drugs, but sanity is for people who can’t handle CPAC.
Just when you’d begun to think that Congressional Republicans were the virtuous defenders of the defenseless and the downtrodden (and just what in the Hell WERE you smoking, anyway??), we find out just how much the GOP hates women. Really; isn’t it about time we got rid of the silly notion that women deserve to control their own bodies?? For what is the uterus but an implement best employed in the service of the State?
This might (and certainly should) be self-evident, but if you’re having sex with someone you met on Craigslist, you can’t claim to be surprised when that certain someone turns out to be a real sleazebag…or a Republican Congressman.
Remember, kids; guns don’t kill people. Government policies kill people. If only we could all have as much firepower as we wanted or felt we needed….
The really beautiful thing about being the leader of the Texas Tea Party is never having to worry about having a functional grip on reality…or the truth. Hey, life looks so much better when you recognize that facts are for losers and Liberals….
I realize that seldom are the phrases “common sense” and “Texas Legislature” found contained in the same sentence, but we may have a rare sighting on our hands. It seems the Lege is considering a bill that would stop the state from branding teenagers who engage in “sexting” as sex offenders. What? You mean we don’t get to brand our young ‘uns as perverts for life?? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?? And who will inhabit Texas’s Death Row down the road??
Sometimes, even things you really believe in can sell out. Of course, $315 million will overcome a lot in the way of convictions….
Man, it must really suck to be Hosni Mubarak these days. Imagine how hurt, abandoned, and misunderstood he must be feeling. Yes, even heartless despots need love….
“I got mine, you can damn well get your own.” It’s not just a philosophy, it’s a way of life. Yeah, that crash you just heard? That, my friend, was the death rattle of the Social Contract. Get it now while you still can…because if you don’t, someone else will.
Truly, ‘tis better to be thought a blithering idiot than to have to live inside Glenn Beck’s head. Reality is for people who can’t handle Beck.
When you have nothing positive or constructive to add to the public discourse, expanding your repertoire of rampant homophobia can be an effective career move. It also helps if you can paint Gays and Lesbians as evil spawns of Satan and risks to public health.
Sometimes, the line between being a criminal and a patriot is a razor-thin one…just ask PVT Bradley Manning.
The best thing about being rich and powerful is being above the law. Got a few enemies? No worries…just investigate your adversary’s family and children. You never know what you might find to use against them.
You see? It’s SO much easier when you break things down scientifically (apologies to Nick Bakay). Happy Friday, y’all…and remember, the blue pills make you smaller….