February 11, 2011 7:07 AM

When life hands you lemons, remember that they make great projectiles

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

  • George Carlin

I’m not really in the mood to delve into anything deep, meaningful, and/or that requires anything resembling critical thought today…so I’ve decided that, since it’s Friday, I’m going to focus on passing along a few lessons I’ve learned along the way. Consider it my gift to my readers, presented in the hope that y’all don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made along the way…. ;-)

  • There’s a reason I don’t shop at WalMart…and while it doesn’t have anything to do with finding razor blades in ice cream, it probably should. Then again, it might just have something to do with finding semen in yogurt, which, while less dangerous is certainly no less disturbing- though it probably does increase the protein content. Ah, so THAT’S what’s different about Greek yogurt….

  • Since most recreational hallucinogens are illegal, you might consider spending a day watching CPAC. This collection of Social Conservatives, culture warriors, arrogant zealots, and self-absorbed self-promoters would easily alter the perceived reality of most sane, well-adjusted observers. Reality may be for people who can’t handle drugs, but sanity is for people who can’t handle CPAC.

  • Just when you’d begun to think that Congressional Republicans were the virtuous defenders of the defenseless and the downtrodden (and just what in the Hell WERE you smoking, anyway??), we find out just how much the GOP hates women. Really; isn’t it about time we got rid of the silly notion that women deserve to control their own bodies?? For what is the uterus but an implement best employed in the service of the State?

  • This might (and certainly should) be self-evident, but if you’re having sex with someone you met on Craigslist, you can’t claim to be surprised when that certain someone turns out to be a real sleazebag…or a Republican Congressman.

  • Remember, kids; guns don’t kill people. Government policies kill people. If only we could all have as much firepower as we wanted or felt we needed….

You see? It’s SO much easier when you break things down scientifically (apologies to Nick Bakay). Happy Friday, y’all…and remember, the blue pills make you smaller….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 11, 2011 7:07 AM.

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