March 6, 2011 8:39 AM

'Cuz there ain't no crazy like Texas crazy

If I owned Hell and Texas, I’d live in Hell and rent Texas.

  • Gen. Phil Sheridan

You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas.

  • Davy Crockett

It’s been almost three and a half years since I escaped left Texas, but it’s not as if there aren’t things I miss about the Lone Star State. Sure, I miss good barbecue, real Mexican food, Shiner Bock, and Blue Bell ice cream, among other things. More than anything, though, I just miss the crazy. Maybe it’s something in the water, but there really ain’t no crazy like Texas crazy. Yesterday being Texas Independence Day, you had to know that the day wasn’t going to pass without a communique from those who believe that Texas should secede from the Union.

AUSTIN — The Texas Nationalist Movement marked Texas Independence Day with a rally on Saturday at the Capitol urging Texans to save the state by seceding from the United States.

A small but enthusiastic group of Texans gathered on the steps of the Capitol, as an assortment of massive Texas flags blew above them in the chilly afternoon breeze.

Outrage was spread evenly toward Democrats and Republicans as leaders of the movement expressed their disgust for the growing national debt and the federal government’s treatment of Texas.

“Texas can take better care of itself than Washington,” said Lauren Savage, vice president of the movement. “We are here to raise interest in the Legislature of the possibility of secession to cure the ills of America.”

Members are demanding that state lawmakers introduce a bill that would allow Texans to vote on whether to declare independence.

“Cure the ills of America”? And who, I wonder will fill in the blanks currently occupied by the federal government? How many of the secessionists are on Social Security? Or Medicare? How many of them receive military pensions or health care through the VA? I wonder how many secessionists have even bothered to consider just what it is they’d be giving up? Yes, I understand the historical context that these folks think they understand, but what they’re really doing is demonstrating how little they understand of that history- never mind how government works and the role it plays in our lives. This is not a modern day replay of the American Revolution. Not by a long shot.

Texans may see themselves as one of the largest economies in the world…and it certainly is. Lost in that self-congratulation, though, is the reality that Texas’ economy is thoroughly and inextricably interwoven with the US economy as a whole. Break those ties, and it’s difficult to fully know what sorts of chaos and suffering will ensue.

Then again, if Texas decides to secede, why not let ‘em? We could just extend the border fence north along the parts of Texas which border something other than Mexico. Let them try to take care of themselves and find out what it’s like when most of their new country can legitimately be considered a Third World country ruled by a collection of Right-wing religious wackjobs who think that God speaks to and through them. I have a feeling that the reality of independence will be somewhat different- and far less pleasant- than the reality.

I still have friends in Texas, and I hope that most of them will be able to escape before The People’s Holy Republic Of By God Texas becomes a reality. If not, I fear for their sanity…if not their safety.

So long, Texas…and if you wouldn’t mind, please take Oklahoma with you….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on March 6, 2011 8:39 AM.

Sometimes freedom OF religion means freedom FROM religion was the previous entry in this blog.

Because irrational hatred is its own reward is the next entry in this blog.

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