So…last call is approaching, and you really, really, REALLY don’t want to go home alone (again) tonight. How to impress that sweet young thing you’ve been plying with alcohol in the hope that you might take her home and commit unspeakable acts upon her person? Fear not, young stud; I’ve got your back. Just try one or two of these, and make plans to take the hot dog ferry to Tuna Town (apologies to Burgess Meredith)….
….When in doubt, I ALWAYS resort to my old stand-by: building a bullet-shell pan flute. No, it’s never gotten me laid, but a boy can dream, eh?? ;-)
….You could discuss how you know the absolutely scientific way to have a perfect relationship.
….Try quoting former President Bill Clinton; chicks dig The Bubba, knowhutimean?? His opinion on how to create jobs ought to melt that luscious blond sitting next to you at the bar…though you’re likely going to have to ply her with several vodka-and-tonics at the same time..
….You could always try getting a booth at the new Seattle Pot Farmers Market. Yeah, chicks love the ganja….
….How about a nice romantic walk through the park? On second thought, though, you might want to avoid the park that this guy hangs out in.
….Why not demonstrate your encyclopedic knowledge by showing how you’re smarter than a supercomputer?
….You could try renting out a South American brothel. Hey, it apparently worked for Ted Kennedy.
….Two words: BEER PONG!
….You could hold forth on how much you HATE Michelle Obama…because, really, doesn’t EVERYONE hate Michelle Obama??
…Acknowledge that you recognize that women are catching up to men…and that you’re willing to submit freely to your new female overlords.
