March 24, 2011 7:30 AM

Today's communique from the Ima Dick State Sanitorium

Franklin Graham’s New Obama-Muslim Conspiracy Theory. If Franklin Graham is a man of God, then I’m the Queen of England.

English politician accuses his constituents of having sex with donkeys. Or, as we call them on this side of the pond, “Democrats”.

Jon Stewart Rips U.S. Attack On Libya: ‘Don’t We Already Have Two Wars?’. Yeah, but this a shiny, brand spanking NEW war!!

New world map charts the world by penis size. Yeah, you might be forgiven for thinking that Alabama and Mississippi came out on the short side….

Arizona Legislators Pass Paranoid Abortion Bill. If you seriously think that Planned Parenthood is engaged in in-utero genocide of African-American children, you’re seriously in need of professional help. Hopefully that help will involve large doses of Thorazine and a straitjacket.

Clarence Thomas’ Wife Hired as a Conservative Reporter Arrogance and ignorance have a home…and objective journalism really is dead.

Parents Wage Misguided War Against Standardized Testing. Because edumication ain’t ‘bout book learnin’. It’s about indoctrination, conformity of thought, and a complete lack of individuality and critical thought.

Do Not Show Up to Your DWI Hearing With ‘a Bag Full of Beer’. Right…what was the guy thinking? Anyone with half a brain knows that you should always leave your beer with a bailiff.

Texas Economic Miracle Beginning To Tarnish. Yeah, and all it took to break through the lies and propaganda was a $27 BILLION hole in the Lone State State’s budget. Now THAT’S some fine Republican leadership, eh?

Today’s GOP Make Us Long for George H.W. Bush. At least Bush the Elder was something close to sane.

Creepy FalseFlesh app lets you see your Facebook friends nude. Like you’d really want to see your Facebook friends nude….

Chris Brown Flies into Violent, Chair-Throwing Rage at Good Morning America. Ah, so the anger management counseling has been working, then??

Apple slammed for app that “cures” homosexuality. Hell, I’d settle for an app that could find me a job.

Reporter High on Salvia: ‘I Felt Like Gene Kelly’. Well, if you can’t be in Libya or Japan, you might as well get high on your employer’s dime, right?

America’s increasingly overweight population threatens safety of public transportation. When people can no longer fit into seats, it’s likely that we’ll have the spectacle of obese people fighting over increasingly scarce seating.

Did You Ever Hear Nuclear Power Is Safer Than Sex?. True dat. When’s the last time you caught chlamydia from a reactor? Case closed.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on March 24, 2011 7:30 AM.

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