June 16, 2011 7:44 AM

Another day on the road to I know not where

If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you’ll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority.

I ran across this yesterday, and it set me to thinking about where I am in my life, what’s happened to me recently, and the things I’ve tried to hold onto. I’ve already said all that I really need (or want) to, but I will admit to using this to take a good, long look at myself…because that’s all I really have any control or influence over. The more I think about this, the more I’m coming to see what I’ve been “guilty” of and what I’ve been willing to settle for. I’m starting to make a real effort to see what those around me see when they look at me…and I’m gratified when I’m able to open my eyes and my heart to that. There are people who truly, actively want to be with me because they enjoy my company and value and accept me for who I am…not for the things they’d want me to change in order to make themselves feel more comfortable.

I don’t know what the future holds…but that’s part of the excitement, the wondering what lies around the bend and how my life will change for it. For me, it’s about knowing who I am and what my value is. It’s about knowing that I deserve, and need, to surround myself with positive people, people who care for and accept me as I am, not as damaged goods in need of a trip to the emotional body shop to get himself fixed. It’s about knowing that no one gets to define me unless I allow them to…something I’ve done way too much of. It’s about holding fast to the reality and the understanding that my point of view is every bit as valid as someone else’s, and that I have the right to reject what I disagree with.

Yes, there are things I need (and want) to work on. Who among us can’t say that if possessed of even the barest minimum of emotional honesty and self-awareness? I AM working on those things currently, and with any luck I’ll continue the work of getting myself to a better and healthier place. I’m not broken, even though I’ve bought into that hypothesis for far too long. I’m just a flawed human being trying to identify and fix my flaws to whatever degree I’m able. That won’t be enough for some…but it will be plenty for others, and THOSE are the folks I want in my life. I try hard to see the good in people, to give them the benefit of the doubt, to accept them warts and all because at their core they’re good people. Those who can reciprocate are the sort of people I want, need, and, most importantly, deserve to have in my life…and applications are always accepted. ;-)

I’ve allowed and accepted far too much negativity into my life…and it’s time I recognize that for what it is and make what changes I can to get myself headed in a healthier and more positive direction. I’ve allowed far too much of the “glass is half-empty” view of me into my life. Now, I get to change that…and I’m excited to find out where that might lead me.

Hey, life is pretty good…and not only because it beats the alternative. I’m learning that friends really ARE people who will be there for you. I’ve never been very good at leaning on people in times of need. I’ve spent my life furiously trying to disprove the “no man is an island” theory. Imagine my surprise, then, when I discovered that friends are people who would willingly do for me what I would willingly do for them. Yeah, go figure….

I plan on continuing to work on the things that I can work on. Hopefully, I’ll be a better and happier person for it. I’ve learned to cope with ADD, I’ve learned that I’m not broken, and I’m learning how to be kinder to and gentler with myself. I’m also learning how to let go of anger. It’s getting better, and perhaps someday I’ll finally be able to put it all together. Then I’ll probably look back at my past and be struck with one thought:

WTF??? ;-)

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 16, 2011 7:44 AM.

The war in Afghanistan? Talk to us after you've texted pictures of your genitals, 'kay? was the previous entry in this blog.

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