The entire state now stands as proxy for W. Bush, under attack for political reasons…. The rest of the country likes to look down on Texas as a nest of yahoos, racists and rednecks.
- Molly Ivins
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.
- Abraham Maslow
I know that I write quite a lot- and in some very unflattering ways- about Texas. Yes, I abhor the political climate in Texas…and there is much I find disturbing and reprehensible in the state beyond politics. For today, though, I want to set that aside, and write about something I do miss about Texas. I imagine this will come as a surprise to some WWJD readers who’ve become accustomed to my portrayal of my 3,722 days in Texas (not that I was counting) as a sojourn in Hell.
After being back in Portland for four years now, I’m only beginning to realize how deeply that my 10+ years in the Lone Star State has impacted my life. Yeah, there’s the food (Do you have ANY idea how tough it is to get good barbecue here in Puddletown??). And I miss Austin terribly (It’s like Eugene with better weather…and WAY more interesting). More than anything, though, I’m discovering how much I miss the music.
My next-door neighbor, Ian Mackintosh, is a phenomenally gifted musician, and I’ve been taking guitar lessons from him twice a week for the past 2 1/2 months. While I’m not yet ready to quit my day job (Wait; I don’t have a day job.), I’m discovering that I really do have an aptitude and a talent for the guitar. Even better is that my guitar has become both a friend and counselor. The recent heartache and heartbreak in my life has left me in need of a diversion, and music seems to be filling that void rather impressively…at least as much as an inanimate object can. I’ve heard it said that the best music has it’s roots in pain…which, I suppose, would explain the blues…and I’m discovering just how true that is. There’s something about making music that, at least for a little while, moves the pain and anguish to a different and less hurtful place.
What I find so fascinating is the music I’m drawn to. Most of it has its roots in Texas country music- Pat Green, Robert Earl Keen, The Old 97s, the Derailers- even some George Strait. It seems that you can take the boy out of Texas, but getting Texas out of the boy is a whole ‘nother story. I really do miss the music in Texas, and after 10+ years some of it really does resonate with me in ways I hadn’t realized until I started looking for music that inspired me enough to learn how to play it.
What’s truly surprised me is that I really do seem to have an aptitude (and perhaps even a talent) for the guitar. I find myself listening to music much differently now, and when I’m playing, I can actually feel the music. I don’t have any basis for comparison, but Ian, who’s been teaching the guitar for 15 years, keeps telling me how amazing what I’m doing is, and how very few of his students have ever picked up the guitar as quickly as I seem to be. I’ve actually progressed to the point where I’m learning chords on my own, and things that take some of Ian’s students students two years to learn I’ve been able to do in a bit over two months. All I know is what I’m doing, which is certainly fun, but I’m pretty hard on myself, so I’m always thinking I should be doing more. It’s gratifying, though, to frequently be told that I’m learning as quickly as I seem to be.
It began as a diversion, a way to kill some time and do something I’ve been wanting to do my entire life. Now that I’m getting into it and discovering that I have an aptitude, it’s quickly becoming a passion. Not only do I find myself listening to music differently- picking up chord changes, figuring out strumming patterns- at times it sends chills up my spine. Not only can I feel myself playing it, I can see myself do it pretty well. In my less lucid moments, I can close my eyes and see myself playing rhythm guitar in a band. That’s probably a (long) ways down the road, but the fact that I can even think in those terms amazes me. Right now, I have no idea what to expect. I just want to see how far I can take it.
Another benefit is that I’ve learned something about myself. Ian keeps telling me that I’m an artist, and that I have an artist’s emotional intensity. That would certainly explain my emotional nature. I feel things strongly, I’m emotional, intense, and I’m not afraid to cry. Sometimes that intensity and emotion can seem a bit much, and a certain someone never could understand that about me, but that’s who I am. The flip side is that emotion, intensity, and passion are part and parcel of the creative process. Now I’m even tackling the idea of songwriting, and it feels as if I’m unlocking something deep within me.
It’s just too damned bad that I waited until I was 50 to figure out that I actually have something resembling musical talent…. ;-)
