The insufferable arrogance of human beings is to think that Nature was made solely for their benefit, as if it was conceivable that the sun had been set afire merely to ripen men’s apples and head their cabbages.
- Cyrano de Bergerac
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
- Woody Allen
OK, y’all…it’s time for a little heart to heart conversation. This one is meant for the guys…so ladies, if you want to leave the room for a bit, this won’t take long at all.
Guys, I don’t know better to say this than to speak for my gender and own up to our collective zipper problem. C’mon, guys; you might as well admit it…we like sex. Sometimes you like sex so much that you’ve been guilty of “thinking with the wrong head.” Most of us have done it, and some of us are still guilty of doing it. We’re men; it’s what we do. That’s not meant as justification, merely explanation…and guys, you know as well as do that I’m right. Though we know (and frequently dismiss and/or ignore) that we are, can, or soon will be inflicting pain on those we love (and shame upon ourselves), we often follow the dictates of the one-eyed monster. This is why Anthony Weiner (and other men in positions of power) is a lot more like you and me than we’re probably collectively willing to admit.
Here’s the deal, guys; clearly we’ve screwed the pooch (I know, a poor choice of analogies….). For most of recorded history, we’ve allowed our arrogance to smooth our path to power and sex. Never mind decency and fidelity. We’ve ascended to positions of power…and then proceeded to schtup every- and anything with two legs, a pretty face, and a vagina.
And where has that gotten us? Go ahead, I’ll wait….
My solution is simple. It’s time for men to step aside and cede power to the distaff half of humanity. If you think about it, there’s really no down side to my proposal. Wars would without a doubt become far less frequent, compassion would increase, and when it comes to personal reality, women would rock. Why? For one very simple reason:
[N]o woman who leaves the second button undone on a blouse can get elected dog catcher in America.
Sometimes, having a double standard isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In this case, the fact that women are (arguably unfairly, but OK….) held to a far higher standard when it comes to sexual behavior can be a good thing. In the situation we find ourselves in, guys, you know as well as I do that once the Weiner scandal goes flaccid, it won’t be long before another male politician’s penis sucks the oxygen out of the news cycle.
Women deserve the chance to rule. Who knows? They may well screw things up as badly as we men have, but we’ll never know unless they’re given the chance. Whaddya say, guys? It’s not like we haven’t had several hundred years to get our act together…to no avail. How about we give women a chance to see what they can do.
Someday, you’ll thank me for this. Trust me.
OK, ladies; I’m stepping off my soap box. You can come back now.
