A woman can hide her love for 40 years, but her disgust and anger not for one day.
- Arab proverb
While the rest of the country seems embroiled in a heat wave (I have NO idea what that’s all about), I’m left with (finally) a few sunny, temperate, and magical days…the sort of days that first seduced me into falling in love with Portland so very many years ago. I’m not going to gloat (even though it’s NOT 95 and humid here), but whenever the weather turns into what it is now, I find myself reflecting on the meaning of life, the universe…and well, pretty much everything else. So, here we go again….
Today on “Body by Jack”: Whodathunkit, eh? It turns out that having your heart broken casually and coldly is a FABULOUS way to drop some pounds (and I’m not referring to the 130 or so pounds that vanished all at once). Between the stress, the tears, and the working out furiously in an effort to re-direct my energy and sorrow, I’ve dropped five pounds in a bit less than two weeks. I’ve been trying to lose weight (not that I really have anything to worry about, but still)…and while this isn’t necessarily the method I had in mind, it’s a results-oriented proposition. The only problem is that before too much longer I’m going to have replace all of my pants.
Hey, it beats spending my days fighting back tears. It’s been said that living well is the best revenge, and if dropping a few LB’s makes me mas sexy…well, who am I to question the wisdom of the universe, eh?? I’m just trying to do today better than I did yesterday whilst creating a little less chaos and damage in my immediate vicinity.
We’re from the government, and we’re here to arraign you: What is it about DMV pictures that can turn a normal, decent human being not guilty of any addictions or criminal predilections into the pictorial equivalent of someone caught between a meth addiction and being busted for soliciting a prostitute? ADD Boy here managed to lose his Oregon driver’s license, so I made the trek to my local DMV office, and after paying my $26.50 (I could swear the application form called it a “stupidity fee”), my visage was captured by DMV’s exclusive Drunkalyzer Camera 2500. Man, I look like someone who’s trying to figure out how he’s going to explain to his wife how he was busted in a middle-school parking lot with a 12-pack of Heineken, four grams of Bolivian marching powder, and a 16-year-old hooker.
Today’s dispatch from the Directorate of Natural Selection: I’ve done some risky/dangerous/stupid things in my life, but drinking moonshine and playing Russian Roulette with your dog takes stupid to a whole ‘nother order of magnitude. This is especially true when you’re playing Russian Roulette with your dog…and you lose. Uh…the Darwin Awards are holding for you on line two….
Hypocrisy and an EPIC lack of self-awareness: I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of one flavor of adultery (Republican) being acceptable while another (Democratic) is the worst sort of reprobation and moral failure imaginable. If you have a “David Vitter problem”, anyone with even a modicum of self-awareness would have to cop to being a freakin’ hypocrite. Yeah, like THAT’s going to happen in this lifetime…or in the next.
For want of an “@”, a boatload of weiner jokes were launched: Has anyone else noticed that we live in a world in which a Congressman can be exposed as a philanderer simply because he typed a “D” instead of “@” on a tweet? Not that I’m going to condone Anthony Weiner’s behavior…but damn, where’s the margin for error?? OK, guys…it’s official; if we’re going to succumb to doing our thinking with the wrong head, it’s not a matter IF we’ll get busted. It’s really only a matter of WHEN. We’ve been warned. ;-)
Your dog wants steak…NOW: You really have to wonder just what kind of a messed up world we live in when one of the lead stories is…wait for it…the death of the late Leona Helmsley’s dog. Really? That’s what we’re going with?? Of course, the fact that the dog is worth more than you or I will likely ever be worth is another sad commentary on the rise and fall of American culture.
We just LOVE technology: Wow, here’s something I never would have considered. Among the many wonderful uses for Facebook is being able to plot to kill your spouse. Honey, do mind if I “unfriend” you when you’re dead?