June 19, 2011 6:25 AM

Things I've learned along the way that y'all probably learned long before I did

So the past few weeks have been a learning experience for me. It’s not what I wanted, but stuff happens, eh? Like the song says, you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you might just find you get what you need. For an intelligent person, sometimes I can be deceptively slower than I look. Most of y’all probably long ago learned these things, but sometimes ADD Boy learns that there are significant gaps in his understanding of how the world works. And so the education of Jack continues.

This is by no means an exhaustive or authoritative list, and it likely will grow and expand with time. Still, the fact that I seem to be learning and understanding these things seems to be a step in the right direction….

  1. If you try to hang on to the one who treats you like an option, you might miss the one who would treat you like a priority.
  2. I’m enough- exactly as I am.
  3. I’m not broken, though I do have things I need to work on…like any of normal, lucid human being.
  4. Love shouldn’t be conditional or easily withdrawn.
  5. Being willing to give doesn’t mean that I’ll receive in return.
  6. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want something, sometimes I’m not going to be able to have it.
  7. Sometimes, faith, love, and trust aren’t returned in equal measure.
  8. The love you take isn’t always equal to the love you make…despite what the song says.
  9. Trying harder isn’t always a recipe for success.
  10. I’m only 50% of the equation…and my point of view is every bit as valid as another.
  11. Sometimes, people really are self-centered and self-absorbed.
  12. Sometimes, people will hurt you because they can. Deal with it.
  13. No one can treat me in a manner- good or bad- that I don’t allow.
  14. Sometimes, people just don’t know how good they have it.
  15. I deserve to be accepted for who I am and what I have to offer.
  16. Sometimes, no matter how much I want something, no matter how hard I try, I can’t have it.
  17. Sometimes, the problem isn’t me.
  18. Love and anger aren’t terribly compatible. A dearth of the former and a plethora of the latter are NOT good signs.
  19. Passion and commitment is not a one-way street.
  20. Sometimes, I really can horribly misjudge character. If love is blindness, I should be getting my tin cup, my cane, and my handicapped parking tag any day now.
  21. People lie. And there’s little that can be done about that.
  22. No one can abuse my faith, love, and trust…unless I allow them to.
  23. No matter how much I might believe, sometimes it’s still not going to be enough.
  24. I can only manage my own demons. Someone else’s are beyond my control and influence.
  25. Sometimes, people can be disturbingly cold and callous.
  26. Sometimes, those who lecture me on the need for self-awareness and self-knowledge are the ones most in need of those things.
  27. If I don’t look out for myself, no one else will.
  28. I deserve to have people in my life who will treat me with love, kindness, and respect.
  29. If someone cannot or will not treat me with love, kindness, and respect, then I deserve to ensure they have no part in my life- because they don’t deserve any.
  30. I deserve something amazing and awe-inspiring.
  31. I can only change what I can and I need to be able to accept what is immutable and unchangeable for what it is.
  32. Control is an illusion.
  33. People can do things you might not expect for reasons you might not expect.
  34. Sometimes, things just suck. Deal with it. It gets better.
  35. Sometimes, all you can do is feel sorry for someone when you realize what a truly amazing thing they gave up on. It’s their loss…not necessarily yours.

And so I continue learning some hard lessons. The good news is that I’m beginning to feel better about myself as I’ve realized that I’m not solely responsible. I understand now that there’s nothing wrong with having expectations and boundaries…and holding to those standards. I’m learning that addition by subtraction is a very real and, sadly, sometimes effective way to take care of myself. Losing sucks, and I hate it as much as the next person, but sometimes it comes with the recognition that I’ve lost something I never really had to begin with. And, yes, sometimes the problem isn’t me.

I’m fortunate enough to have friends who’ve finally managed to convince me that sometimes what you think you have isn’t anywhere close to the truth of what you actually do have. They’re trying to get me to realize my worth…and I think I’m finally beginning to get there. It’s taken being forced to recognize what I’ve subjected myself to in order to understand that claiming my power doesn’t mean ceding control to someone unable or unwilling to treat me with love and respect. It doesn’t mean taking what I can get because that’s all I think I deserve. It doesn’t mean allowing someone else to set the tone out of a need to be in control. It doesn’t mean allowing myself to be manipulated.

I’m finally learning that friends really ARE people who will be there for you when the chips are down. They really ARE willing to be there for you in a way that you would be willing to do for them. It’s always been easy for me to lend a shoulder to cry on, but far more difficult to admit when I’m the one in need of a shoulder. I’ve spent my life trying to disprove the notion that no man is an island. Now I find myself in need of a way off my island, and it’s been gratifying to discover that I have friends willing to loan me a boat and a set of oars.

Who knows? Eventually, I just might get this right. ;-)

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 19, 2011 6:25 AM.

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