An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life…. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego. The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”
They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”
The Elder simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Some of you may be familiar with my story, which really isn’t so very different from so many other Americans. Having lost my job 18 months ago, I’ve been living off my savings and unemployment insurance. While life hasn’t exactly sucked, there are certainly stresses associated with the uncertainty of not knowing what they future might hold…or even IF there’s a future to be held. I know so many people, and have read stories of so many others, who are in similar straits. Dealing with something of this nature requires equal parts perseverance, courage, luck, and denial. You can’t spend your days in a haze of fear and trepidation about a future that, in our new economic order, may simply not exist. How to support a family, pay a mortgage, and make car payments in our new reality is something I’ve yet to figure out. Fortunately, I don’t have those pressures…but I do think my life would be far less tenable, never mind enjoyable, if I did. Every day, I thank my angels, lucky stars, four leaf clovers…or whoever it is that’s in charge of these things that it’s just me I have to worry about…as if that isn’t enough.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve taken some time to reevaluate where I’m heading and what I’m doing. It’s not that I can claim an epiphany or clarity of vision in any respect, but I have found what might be called a renewed sense of purpose. I’ve spent so long trying to figure out what I HAVE to do at the expense of what I WANT to do that I’ve almost lost sight of the fact that the only thing I really want to do is write. Honestly, I hope that I will never, ever have to work another 8-5 job as long as I live. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course, and I certainly have to maintain that prospect as a possibility, but I don’t WANT to do that. I’m actually in a position now where I have a golden opportunity to pursue my craft/obsession and see if I can lose my amateur status. Of course, I’m still trying to figure out the whys, wherefores, and yes, the Devil really IS in the details…and anyone who knows me knows that I’m NOT a detail-oriented person.
Somehow, I’m going to figure out how to make a living off my writing. How exactly that will happen remains to be seen, but I have to have faith in myself and my ability. I was gifted with an ability to string together complete sentences so that they actually make sense; it’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do. Now all I have to do is figure out how I’m going to lose my amateur status. Hey, if any of y’all know anyone looking for a writer, I’m listening…. ;-)
