[O]verly microwaved baked potato Glenn Beck says that he is going to boycott Levi’s jeans because the new ad in their “Go Forth” campaign shows young people at some sort of street rally or riot and thus “glorifies revolution.” Yup, apparently! The “Go Forth” ads should be banned because they take lovely bits of American poetry, in this case Charles Bukowski’s “The Laughing Heart,” and reduce them down to the soundtrack for skinny young people writhing around in blue jeans. But the jean company as a whole should probably not be boycotted because of some sort of revolution-goading. But that’s how Beck sees it….
Some days I have to really exert myself in order to find something sufficiently paranoid and stupid to write about. Some days something will leap out of the water like a walleye on the end of a fishing line and slap me across the face. Today is one of those days when the stupid has washed over me with no effort on my part, leaving me shaking my head and feeling as if I need a shower.
There are few bipeds dragging their knuckles across the American landscape more in need of some serious psychotropic medication than Glenn Beck. Of course, I realize that this is not exactly breaking news. Normally, I’d just ignore the (not so very) brainiac. After all, I’ve probably sworn (and in this space, no less) to do exactly that at least a time or two. Still, every now and again, Beck will utter something possessed of such epic stupidity and indicative of so little lucidity that it just stops me in my tracks, as speechless and defenseless as a deer caught in high beams. Today’s case in point is his announcement that he’s boycotting Levi Strauss because…well, I don’t really know why, actually. Perhaps it was Levi’s abuse of Charles Bukowski’s poem. “The Laughing Heart”? No? Well, perhaps it would be best to let The Unhinged One himself tell us why:
It’s hard to believe that a company associated with America and working-class values would use global revolutions and progressivism to sell their products, but that’s exactly what Levi’s is doing in their new commercials.
Hard to believe, indeed. Even harder to believe, because it’s only happening in Beck’s feverish imagination. “Global revolution and progressivism”? Really? Silly me; I’ve read and re-read “The Laughing Heart” a few times, and try as I might, I can’t find anything that even vaguely smells of “global revolution and progressivism.” Read the poem. Then reread it. I would defy anyone to find anything that either explicitly or implicitly advocates global revolution OR progressivism, much less both. Granted, I don’t see George Soros and his army of evil, godless Liberals lurking behind every corner, but to me it seems that Bukowski is imploring youth to be fully in control of their lives, to take charge of where life takes them and live that life to the fullest. So…Personal Responsibility + Setting Goals = Global Revolution + Progressivism? Did I not get the memo??
Then again, you never can be sure what coded messages a multinational conglomerate like Levi Strauss might be sending to the youth of this country through their advertising. It’s possible, I suppose, that “there is a light somewhere” or “your life is your life” might be a signal for the youth of America to revolt against their parents and their evil corporate overlords. Or it could just be (Door #1) the sort of Left-wing, socialist dog whistle that only people
as wacked-out and heavily medicated as like Beck, whose brain vibrates at a higher pitch, can hear.
Or it could just be (Door #2) that Beck knows the only way he can get people to pay attention to him is to be foaming at the mouth as stupidly and outrageously as possible. I’m picking Door #2…and to celebrate, I went out and bought myself a pair of Levi’s. I expect I’ll be getting a call from George Soros any time now….
Only in America….