MY NEW HERO
Mario Balotelli
Man City’s mercurial striker had one hell of a weekend. He set his rented $4.8 million house on fire after setting off fireworks in the bathroom. He scored the first two goals in a 6-1 thrashing of second place Manchester United at Old Trafford, Sir Alex’s “worst ever” defeat. He drove through Manchester’s City Centre, leaning out his Bentley convertible and high-fiving fans.
OK, so my Timbers crapped out at the finish line and missed the playoffs. While I could bemoan the fate of what was actually a decent enough expansion team, it seems that football across the pond had an interesting enough weekend in its own right.
Having watched (with no lack of satisfaction) Manchester City demolish Manchester United 6-1 at Old Trafford (and, really, could it have bee any more perfect?), I would agree that some sort of celebration was in order. Leave to Mario Balotelli, who will never be accused of being the shy, retiring type, to set the bar to near-record levels. Yep, nothing quite says “Release the hounds!!” like setting off fireworks in one of the bathrooms in the mansion you’re renting…at 2.45am. Righteous party, Dude….
So how does one top a celebration involving setting off fireworks in your bathroom? Why, by becoming the public face of a fireworks safety campaign, of course…and yes, that was irony’s death rattle you heard in the background….
Remember kids, be like Mario. It’s all about limiting your Halloween and Bonfire Night pyrotechnic conflagrations to safe, organized, and well-policed displays.
Be safe. Be like Mario. Be…wait; on second thought, that might not be such a good idea. The Mottram St Andrew, Macclesfield fire brigade thanks you for partying smartly…by not inviting Mario Balotelli.
