Today's dispatch from the War on Halloween

Dressing in white and handing out Bibles is sure to make your house the creepiest one on the block…. Kids, remember; when you bring home your bag of Bibles, let your parents check them for razor blades…or worse, “Dianetics.”…. Think about it; Jesus rose from the dead. He’s the original zombie.

• Stephen Colbert

Hmm…dress in white. Hand out Bibles instead of candy. Just what little Bobby from down the street wants to unwrap when he gets home from trick or treating? Then again, I’d imagine the odds of the little urchin biting down on a razor blade would drop precipitously, no?

And doesn’t it just figure that the group pushing a Christian alternative to Halloween is from Texas? Yes, JesusWeen is a safe, evil-free counterbalance to the annual celebration of evil and mayhem that is Halloween. Never mind the widespread sugar highs and cavities.

I’m not exactly a huge fan of Halloween, but the holiday has been an accepted custom for a long, long time. There are reasons for it and a history behind it…and it really has nothing to do with being a celebration of Satan, evil, or whatever ugly, nasty thing you choose to ascribe to it. Besides, if parents really have a problem with the idea of their children celebrating Halloween, then they have the ultimate authority over what activities their children partake of, no?

JesusWeen has been carefully planned with everyone in mind. Churches, ministries, businesses, individuals and groups can all participate financially, physically and prayerfully. While we hope to impact more nations from next year, our focus for this year is to make major impact in Toronto, Calgary, Edmonton in Canada; focus on Maryland, Houston and Dallas in the USA; and London in the UK. In reality JesusWeen will be held by small groups, individuals or by churches in thousands of public locations and from home, therefore it’s not restricted to any particular city. The goal is to have JesusWeen groups (Jesus Winners) in every city and every nation spreading the love of Christ on October 31st. All you need to do is pray first, then form a group and inform us via our email address info @ jesusween.com and we will provide you with further information and guidance. You will do a great job, only believe.

Right. Only believe that everything you can’t (or refuse to) understand is evil and of the Devil. I understand that some folks are going to see Halloween as a celebration of mayhem and evil no matter what I say. If you’re inclined to see things you can’t understand as evil, dangerous, and a threat to your child’s moral/religious well-being…well, then that’s what you’re going to do. If JesusWeen helps you to feel as if you’re doing the right thing by your children, good on you. Just don’t claim to be surprised when people become upset with you for the Bibles and religious tracts you hand out. They may be your beliefs, but believe it or not, not everyone shares them or wants to be proselytized on Halloween.

Gee, I wonder what might happen if a Muslim group decided to turn Halloween into MohammedWeen? Can you imagine the hue and cry and the weeping and gnashing of teeth that would ensue? Can you imagination the righteous indignation? And guess who’d be leading the torches and pitchforks brigades? Yeah, probably the fine, tolerant, accepting Christians behind JesusWeen….