MY NEW HERO
Paul Moran
The plan was to s!@# bricks — gold bricks. Paul Moran hatched a scheme to get rich quick by turning his own feces into gold, according to authorities in Northern Ireland. But like King Midas himself, Moran might have flushed his life down the drain in pursuit of his golden dreams. Moran’s attempts at alchemy crossed the line into arson when he set his apartment on fire after placing his feces on an electric heater, according to The Belfast Telegraph.
I can relate to Paul Moran. I’ve been looking for ways to bring in a few bucks while I try to convince someone to write me large checks for my writing. With that in mind, I’m open to all sorts of ideas…but, man, this one just stinks.
I’ll leave the scatological jokes and the poo puns to wits nimbler than my own, but whatever you might think, Moran should garner high marks for originality…if not planning, execution, and cleanup.
It’s not uncommon for those ahead of their time to be persecuted and prosecuted. I don’t know how far (or even if) Moran is ahead of his time, but part of me has to admire a man willing to use whatever materials he has at hand in an attempt to better his circumstances and make a name for himself. I’m not sure the $4800 in damages to his flat or the three months in jail followed by one year on supervised release will in retrospect turn out to be worth it…but sometimes the brave and the daring take risks you or I might not be willing to.
I think Moran’s lawyer managed to sum things up quite nicely:
Moran’s lawyer reportedly stated that his client is a smart man who has suffered from a drug problem.
Right. And Ted Kaczynski was a dreamer with a chemistry problem.
Think about it, though; if Moran had been successful, consider how much fiber we’d all be consuming….
