If you harbored any lingering doubt regarding the moral center and condition of the Republican Party’s condition, consider that the current leader in the race to be the GOP’s 2012 standard-bearer is…wait for it…Newt Gingrich. Yes, you read that right; the same Newt Gingrich whose campaign every pundit from Fox Noise Channel to the Hooterville Herald gleefully gave the political version of last rites to. Incredibly, the party of God, small government, and family values is getting behind a man who, among other things:
- served his first wife with divorce papers while she was in the hospital being treated for cancer
- carried on a six-year extramarital affair with his current, and third, wife while still married to his second wife
- stated unequivocally that anyone who lobbied from Freddie Mac should go to jail
- received upwards of $1.6 million for…wait for it…lobbying for Freddie Mac
- in 2007, strongly supported an individual mandate
- in 2011, categorically opposes an individual mandate as the worst example of evil Big Government inserting itself between patients and their doctors
- has turned his Presidential campaign into an extended promotional tour for his books and DVDs
- compares himself favorably to “Braveheart”
I could go on, but you get the point, right? Gingrich is a walking, talking moral and ethical black hole…and yet he’s leading the polls. When Republicans prattle on about their devotion to God and family values, you can understand why some of us are snickering into our Coronas.
Remember, when a Liberal does it, it’s the worst sort of moral turpitude and godless, heathenistic Communism imaginable. When a Conservative does it, they’re merely demonstrating their flawed imperfection in the eyes of God…and their worthiness of being forgiven.
Oh, the humanity. Oh, the hyporcrisy. Oh, how typically Republican, eh?
In the spirit of this silly season, I thought I’d treat my readers to all the news about Newt that’s fit to print…and it certainly ain’t pretty….
GINGRICH: ‘I THINK I WILL PROBABLY TEACH A COURSE WHEN I’M PRESIDENT’. I think I speak for all of us when I say we should be praying that it’s not an Ethics course.
Professor: Gingrich is ‘a disgusting person’. This would be tough to argue with. Given his skeezy marital track record, his history of self-promotion, his messiah complex, his complete lack of a moral center, and his non-existent set of core principles…yeah, he’s not exactly the poster boy for decency, nor is he anything any reasonable person could call a role model.
Gingrich Tells Occupy Protesters That They Should ‘Go Get A Job Right After (They) Take A Bath’. Says the man who owes his comfortable station in life to the maintenance of the status quo. Remember, the 1% aren’t a problem if you’re a member of said 1%.
Newt Gingrich: Child Labor Laws Are ‘Stupid’. Really, why deny America’s small business owners the use of a potentially very cheap labor source? And just imagine the number of jobs that might stay in America instead of being shipped to India if companies are allowed to hire children. What better way to teach young ‘uns responsibility and the importance of recognizing their place on the economic food early on? Hey, sweatshops weren’t nearly as bad as the history books would have you believe, knowhutimean??
11 Reasons Not To Vote For Newt Gingrich. I’d imagine the real challenge was in whittling down the list to only 11 reasons. Given his moral bankruptcy, messiah complex, outsized ego, and lack of core principles, I’d think there’d be DOZENS of reasons not to vote for a moral reprobate like Gingrich.
Gingrich (in 2007): Congress Must Impose an Individual Mandate. Now he’s unalterably opposed to something that will inject the heavy hand of government between Americans and their doctors. You know, it’s almost like Gingrich has never heard of “fact-checking”. Then again, given that we’re talking about a man with no core principles- save for self-interest and self-aggrandizement- this isn’t particularly surprising.
Newt Gingrich Likens Himself To ‘Braveheart’. Say what you will about Gingrich, but he’s certainly not lacking in chutzpah, and he’s got a world-class messiah complex.
Newt Gingrich’s Nasty Record. Caution: you may feel an intense need to shower after reading this.
Newt Gingrich Pocketed Millions to Shill for Health Care Industry—But Didn’t Register as a Lobbyist. Because the GOP’s leading mind isn’t about to be held to the petty rules that puny, lesser mortals are expected to adhere to (I’M NEWT GINGRICH, %!#@&!!!!)
GOP Gone Rogue: Newt Gingrich is the Latest Republican Messiah. If the party of God and family values is willing for even a moment to consider Gingrich as their standard-bearer in 2012…well, that would be why the phrase “moral bankruptcy” leaps to mind, eh?
Newt Gingrich Subtly Attacks Mitt Romney. Yep, there’s nothing quite like a good whisper campaign…especially if you can get folks talking about how Romney’s Mormon beliefs make him somehow…oh, I don’t know…un-American? Gingrich, historian that he claims to be, should know that this strategy didn’t work against JFK’s Catholicism.
Gingrich’s Latest Social Security Scheme: Privatize The Program Then Bail Out Bad Investors. Sure, reward people who turn their money over to Wall Street…and then bail out those who choose poorly and lose money. Privatize the benefits, socialize the risks.
Newt Blasts Recent Claims About His Wife. Spouses SHOULD be off limits…unless, of course, you want to insult, impugn, or demean Michelle Obama. Then knock yourself out, knowhutimean?
