Searching for “sexy Santa” on stock photo website Shutterstock yields 16,414 results, and every single one of them is strange, unsettling, and patently absurd. There is even Santa-girl-on-Santa-girl action!…. It says something very creepy about our culture that we have changed this jolly old man with a bowl full of jelly belly into some sexualized plaything. Also, it is especially creepy considering a formative moment of every child’s life is when (s)he learns that their parents are Santa. That means that, in some strange twist of logic, sexy Santa is really a way for people to have erotic thoughts about their parents at Christmastime.
If you’re harboring any lingering doubt about the War on Christmas…well, the foot soldiers are wearing as little as possible and engaging in double entendres. I don’t know what’s going to be under your tree this Christmas, but there’s something so very quintessentially American about combining sex and Santa (Are you wondering the fat old man’s always so jolly?)
I’m not certain what it says about American culture that thousands upon thousands of images can be found by searching for “sexy Santa” on Shutterstock. What even worse is the idea that someone might actually be searching for that sort of thing. Don’t get me wrong; I love sex, and I love Santa; it’s just that the idea of a jolly fat man with a White beard….No, when I think of that sort of thing I keep conjuring up images of Jerry Sandusky or something similar.
Please; can we just get through Christmas with everyone keeping their clothes on? Is that too much to ask??
