December 6, 2011 7:36 AM

It's not hard to win when you're the only adult in the field...assuming there's an adult in the field

So…how ‘bout we recap where the GOP’s leading lights have taken us on their intellectual and moral journey to date:

Herman Cain’s a lousy lover, a man with the arrogance and ego of five men. Discovering that hypocrisy on moral issues isn’t a recipe for success even in today’s GOP, Cain has “suspended” his campaign. I’d lay even money that his wife, Gloria, will be filing divorce papers inside of three month. Yeah, I know; karma can be a real &!@#$, knowhutimean??

Michele Bachmann’s a crazy as a March hare…and a hateful, intolerant zealot who knows nothing of the teaching of the Savior she professes to revere. In her defense, Bachmann’s easily the most thoroughly entertaining Republican in the 2012 field…though I’d hardly call that an advantage. Prone to “OOPS!” moments, Bachmann is one of those unfortunate souls so ignorant and clueless that she’s constitutionally incapable of self-knowledge.

Rick Perry has revealed himself to be what most Texans have known for years, but have been loathe to admit- an intellectual lightweight who, if brains were dynamite, wouldn’t be able to blow his nose. If he could run for President without having to participate in a debate (or answer questions), Perry might have a shot. Unfortunately, people expect him to think and talk, things Perry has proven to be particularly inept at. He is the only candidate who can compete with Romney’s hair, though.

Newt Gingrich cheated on his wives for America. No, Gingrich hasn’t employed that defense (yet), but I suspect it’s only a matter of time before he does. A megalomaniac with an over-inflated ego and a Messiah complex, Gingrich believes his assertion that he’s a seminal historical figure. How the party of “family values” can even be considering nominating a serial philanderer defies rational understanding. If you look at Gingrich as America’s riff on Slobodan Milosevic, it all kinda starts to make sense.

Don’t even get me started on Rick Santorum. Just google “Santorum” and you’ll understand why. Yeah, something about “man-on-dog sex“….

And then there’s MItt Romney, who is to Republicans in 2012 what Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) was in 2008- a candidate who will do and/or say ANYTHING to become President. Lacking in anything even faintly resembling core principles, Romney was pro-choice before realizing that being anti-choice was the only way to be successful as a Republican. While Governor of Massachusetts, he passed a statewide universal healthcare program, a concept that he’s now denouncing as Socialism and Big Government overreach. And his record as a job creator? Well, Bain Capital earned its money by buying companies, firing the employees, and then selling the company for parts. Yeah, that’s what Romney is selling as his experience creating jobs…unless you count the thousands of dollars he spent destroying records that might have turned out to be…inconvenient.

All that being said, I have but one question for Republicans: REALLY?? This collection of soulless reprobates and hypocrites are the best you can do? REALLY??

Get back to me when y’all actually decide to put forward an adult…oh, wait; y’all really don’t want to discuss honesty and reality, do you? Nice; good luck with life in your Tea Party fantasyland….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 6, 2011 7:36 AM.

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