December 9, 2011 7:44 AM

Rick Perry 2012: If You Ain't Got Jesus, You Ain't [expletive deleted]

THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD

(apologies to Keith Olbermann)

Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R-Jesusland)

This would be where I issue my boilerplate disclaimer that I have nothing against Christianity. As per usual, it’s Christians I have a serious problem with, and not all Christians; just the ones who think their special uber-Jesus-y goodness confers upon them the right to hate those who think, believe, live and/or love differently.

Rick Perry, sliding ever closer to irrelevance, has been reduced to desperately reaching out to his Evangelical Social Conservative base, hoping to convince primary voters that he’s far more authentically Jesus-y than any of the other Republican pretenders. Even if you are a proud, committed Christian, Perry’s latest ad should be something you find offensive, because it has little to do with the teachings of Jesus Christ. It’s really all and only about demonizing a class of people and using that hatred to appeal to those who think along similar lines.

This ad should serve as evidence that Rick Perry not be trusted to manage a Dairy Queen, much less sit behind the big desk in the Oval Office. If he’s a poster boy for Christianity, then Christianity’s in a whole mess of trouble.

(The comforting news is that, as of yesterday afternoon, 97.9% of YouTube viewers who viewed the video disliked it. Perhaps there might be hope for this country after all.)

I realize that this ad represents dog whistle directed at Evangelical voters in Iowa. My better angels kept telling me to let it go, but given the arrogance and smug Christocratic self-righteousness behind this ad, I’ve decided that the only proper response is one that responds to the ad in its entirety. After the jump, la deluge….

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian…

Since when is being a Christian something to be ashamed of? Or are you really just setting us up for your real message of hatred and smug, self-righteous divisiveness?

…but you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know that there’s something wrong when gays can serve openly in the military…

If Americans, whatever their race, creed, religion, or flavor of sexuality may be, are willing to fight and if necessary die for this country, shouldn’t we be celebrating that selflessness and devotion to something bigger than themselves? Or is hatred for homosexuals how you choose to show your devotion to the teachings of Jesus Christ?

…but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.

Uh…since when are children not allowed to celebrate Christmas in school? And while schools aren’t allowed to push a particular religion, there’s nothing to stop them from praying if they so choose. After all, prayer is supposed to be a silent and deeply personal conversation with God, no? It’s just that public schools, being paid for with the tax dollars of ALL Americans (yes, even non-Christians), are supposed to be educating children, not indoctrinating them in the majority religion. If you want that, you can send your children to a private school, where you can have them prostrate themselves in prayer and supplication 24/7/365 if that’s where your priority lies.

As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion….

You mean the “war on religion” that exists only in your overdeveloped, self-righteous imagination? I realize that you hate Obama and everything he stands for, but he’s stated time and again that he is also a committed Christian…or do you only define a Christian as being “White, Conservative, and Republican”? Perhaps the arrogance of that is lost on you, but it really does make you look pretty small, ignorant, and intolerant.

…and I’ll fight against Liberal attacks on our religious heritage.

I wasn’t aware that Christianity was the exclusive property and purview of Conservative Republicans. Or have you forgotten that many of the teachings of Jesus Christ could be defined as “Liberal”?? I may not be a Christian, but I was raised Lutheran, and I can’t recall learning in any of the Sunday School lessons I went to that God’s a Republican. Or a Democrat.

Faith made American strong. It can make her strong again.

True, but that “faith” wasn’t limited to faith in your hateful, oppressive definition of God. There was faith in ourselves, in each other, and in the common purpose that America represented and some would argue still represents. And as for making America strong again, I’m having trouble understanding how she’s weak. Yes, this country is experiencing challenges, as is the rest of the world, but that hardly makes us weak. Indeed, it’s meeting and surviving challenges that’s helped to make America what it is today. Faith in God is but one piece of the puzzle, NOT the only piece.

I’m Rick Perry, and I approved this message.

Indeed, because you’re a dismissive, intolerant Christocrat who can’t stomach the idea that a belief system or lifestyle choice different from your own might be valid. You despise those who think, believe, live, and/or love differently than you. You’d have no problem with treating them as second-class citizens, unworthy of the benefits that accrue to truly enlightened souls such as yourself. Your arrogance and intolerance is exceeded only by your ambition and your willingness to do and/or say whatever it takes to become President.

A President represents ALL Americans, not merely those who happen to fit into a narrowly-defined box. This ad is one of the most arrogant and offensive displays of hateful, Bible-thumping Conservatism I’ve seen in some time. To paraphrase Gandhi, I can’t help but wonder why this Christian is so unlike his Christ.

Of course, I could continue waxing indignant about this travesty, but why bother when we can just go to the remix:

Party on, Garth….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 9, 2011 7:44 AM.

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