I LOVE the North Korean Central News Agency and their state-of-the-art (if it was 1996) GeoCities website. Where else could you combine 3rd-grade design with world-class propaganda? I mean, without the impartial, insightful journalistic excellence excess of KCNA, we might never be privy to vital news stories like:
Kim Jong Il Will Always Be with Us. (And isn’t that just too creepy?)
Kim Jong Il’s Life Bright as Snow. (And Red as Blood.)
Kim Jong Il’s Field Jacket Cherished in Hearts of People. (Evidently, his BVDs have already healed the lame, cured the ill, and fed the hungry. Don’t ask.)
Rodong Sinmun on Kim Jong Il’s Feats for National Reunification. (Really; why shouldn’t South Koreans eat grass and shoe leather like their counterparts in the North?)
People Vow Their Loyalty at Kumsusan Memorial Palace. (You’ll agree to just about anything at gunpoint.)
Increasing Number of People Visit Mourning Sites. (What else are you going to do on a Friday night in Pyongyang?)
Endless Stream of Mourners Visit Bier of Kim Jong Il. (False alarm; the rumor on the streets in Pyongyang said they’d get free “beer” at Kim Jong Il’s coffin. The crying came when they realized they’d been duped.)
New Stamps Issued to Mark Anniversary of Kim Jong Il as Supreme Commander (It seems the North Korean Postal Service has the same union as the US Postal Service.)
“Such Biggest Loss Can’t Happen, Unbelievable”. (Not since MAS*H was cancelled has the Korean Peninsula been so inconsolable.)
Unforgettable Last Days of Kim Jong Il’s Life. (Bolivian marching powder, the Swedish bikini team, and Irish Whiskey. Good times….)
Korean People Ardently Yearn for Kim Jong Il. (So they can kill him all over again and drag his lifeless body through the streets of Pyongyang.)
Korean People Make Uninterrupted Efforts to Build Thriving Nation. (Sadly, there’s no truth to the rumors that Starbucks will be opening a drive-through location at Kim Jong Il’s tomb.)
Pyongyangites Feel Extremely Regretful. (There were no winners in the Kim Jong Il Death Pool, so the money rolls over to the brand-new Kim Jong Un Death Pool. Good luck waiting for that to play out; the kid’s only 27.)
Koreans Rise up Determined to Work Harder. (With the price of shoe leather, grass, and food-grade locusts rising, things are tough all over.)
People of North Phyongan Province Pledge Loyalty to Kim Jong Un. (And the other choice would have been…?)
Remember it’s ALWAYS Sunny In Pyonyang!