America’s aging class of socially conservative evangelical leaders finally gathered this weekend to pick a presidential candidate to rally around, and, crucially, to make each other feel important again. The 150 or so big-time fundies, including representatives from the Family Research Council, American Family Association, and Focus on the Family, ultimately chose Rick Santorum but came nowhere near a unanimous decision. Let’s all congratulate these once-important gatekeepers: For the second straight presidential election, they’ve swooped in just in time to render themselves useless.
Historically, Social Conservatives tend to believe that they have far more influence over American politics than is actually the case. Whether out of hubris, ego, or the belief that they- and only they- believe in all that’s good, right, and Holy about America, Social Conservatives (particularly Evangelical Christians) are convinced that their views and beliefs hold sway over large number of Americans. Truth be told, most Americans don’t really like being told how to vote by a collection of uber-Jesus-y, White, well-fed, holier-than-thou zealots who believe that they have God Almighty on speed dial. Social Conservatives are a pronounced minority…albeit vocal, self-righteous, and hyper-religious minority.
God, if you believe in her, isn’t a Republican or a Democrat. She just is. Of course, that doesn’t stop judgmental ignorami like James Dobson, Gary Bauer, Tim LaHaye, and Bryan Fischer from claiming the imprimatur of the Almighty and pretending that their views are based on Scripture and Biblical principle instead of ignorance, fear, and prejudice. Then again, Social Conservatives have never really been about the message. Their hatred, prejudice, and overt religiosity has become a lucrative cottage industry. For some members of the Religious Right, being holier-than-thou is a smart career move. Their business is claiming that Jesus loves them more than other, lesser mortals…and business, evidently, is very good.
That said, Social Conservatives have as much right to involve themselves in the democratic process as any other interest group. Pat Robertson’s run for President (as the GOP’s token Crazy White Man) previously, and the Religious Right has attempted to throw their weight around for years. The Tea Party is merely the latest iteration of their political machinations. What Social Conservatives have struggled with over the years is relevancy. Sure, they make noise, issue proclamations, and pretend to be Very Serious People doing the Very Serious Work of the Lord. The reality, though, is that they’ve done little but provide fodder for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. This election cycle is proving to be no difference. In their desire to elect a godly Conservative candidate who isn’t named Mitt Romney (What is Mormonism if not a Satanic cult?), they’ve once again become something of a laughing stock. This past weekend, Very Serious And Very Holy Men from around the country gathered to select their Not Romney candidate. That they selected Rick Santorum is laughable enough, but what really set me to wondering about how serious they are is that they met in, of all place, Brenham, TX.
Let me just say first of all that I like Brenham; it’s a sleepy, bucolic wide spot in Highway 290 about halfway between Houston and Austin. The area around Brenham is lovely when the bluebonnets are blooming. There’s even a decent community college there (Cam Newton played football there before moving on to Auburn and then the NFL). The problem, though, is that getting to Brenham if you’re coming from, say, Colorado Springs, or some other capital of Conservative Fundamentalist Christianity, isn’t exactly easy. If you’re hoping to attract media attention to your cause- and without media attention, these Very Serious Holy Men would wither and die- Brenham probably isn’t where you’d want to be.
Then again, if there’s one thing that these Very Serious And Very Holy Men excel at, it’s rendering themselves irrelevant.
Congratulations, y’all; you’ve proven once again that you’re all sound and fury that signifies nothing. Y’all may be pontificating fire and brimstone, but it appears that few are listening. Same as it ever was.
