Drunk woman rubs butt, tries to urinate on $40m painting. And you thought I just made this stuff up….
Michael Brown Condemns Navy First Kiss, Calls Military a ‘Massive Pro-Gay Propaganda Machine’. Why else would the Village People have sung “In The Navy”?
Chicago Cardinal Doubles Down, Says Gay Pride Parade ‘Invited An Obvious Comparison’ To KKK. Gays rights and the hatred and oppression of African-Americans. It’s so obvious even a caveman could recognize it. Oh, wait…evidently one did.
Pentagon reporter frets he’ll be laid off if Ron Paul wins. We can only hope….
Romney Jubilant After Finishing in Dead Heat with Walking Joke in Sweater Vest. How else could one honestly describe a candidate whose last name is a euphemism for the byproducts of anal sex?
Man Arrested for Selling Moonshine. Where else but Floriduh??
Pay Phone Owner Gets 3 Months In $4M Fraud Case. Wait…people still use pay phones??
A Letter from Kim Jong-un To the People of Iowa. What? You think it’s easy living in Pyongyang??
Jimmy Kimmel reveals Grand Warlock of Mexico is actually Gingrich. And here all this time I’d been thinking that Gingrich was The Black Angel of Death ©.
Prayers and ink: Flint Township church opens tattoo parlor inside its doors. Evidently, it’s next door to their bar and just down the hall from their Swedish massage parlor.
First mixed-embryo monkeys are born in U.S.. OMIGOD!!! HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRIDS!!!
Former NoW editor Colin Myler takes the helm at New York Daily News. Hey, it’s a Murdoch property; it’s not as if journalistic integrity is a priority.
Santorum Mocks Obama For Extending Health Care Coverage To ‘Everybody’. Hey, it wouldn’t be America if some of the poor folk weren’t forced to do without. How else would the wealthy know that they’re different?
Defence Minister Peter MacKay marries. The Canadian Defense Minister marries a hot Iranian woman. What could possibly go wrong? Bomb bomb bomb…bomb bomb Tehran….
Doctors to remove Vietnamese man’s 90kg tumour “My tumor has a first name….”
Santorum Suggests Romney Nomination ‘Will Destroy This Country’. Of course; he’ll no doubt bore Americans to death.
