Here’s a pro tip: If you happen to oversee student media at East Carolina University, and the campus newspaper does a story on a streaker at an ECU football game, you might want to make certain the story doesn’t prominently feature a shot of the streaker’s dong. Should you fail in this simple yet vital task, phalliphobic school administrators will explode in all manner of moral outrage and apoplexy. This sort of hypermoralistic thrombosis will cost you your job as surely as the sun rises in the east, for the dong exacts a horrible price from those who ignore its awesome, terrifying power.
After all, contrary to what Rick Santorum might believe, same-sex marriage didn’t cause the recession; full frontal nudity did.
OHMIGOD!!! WHAT ABOUT THE POOR, IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN???
