February 12, 2012 6:13 AM

GOP 2012: It's so much easier when you break things down scientifically

So…you’re a Republican, and you find yourself torn between the top two contenders. First of all, I feel sorry for you, but, that aside, there’s little doubt that both Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are truly, deeply flawed candidates (and human beings). It’s got to be a tough choice, no? Do you go with the loose cannon, the verbal bomb-thrower, the racist who holds himself above mere mortals and their puny intellects? Or do you choose the bloodless millionaire, the capitalist who would grind his mother under the wheels of his campaign bus if he could profit from it?

This assumes, of course, that you’re not seriously considering Ron Paul (who’s been endorsed by Ayn Rand) or Rick Santorum (who thinks if rape is inevitable you might as well lay back and enjoy it…and carry the resulting baby to term)….

In a sincere (if perhaps somewhat misguided) attempt to assist my right-of-center readers in making their choice, I’ve turned to The Maddow Blog, which has taken a novel approach to evaluating Romney and Gingrich: their Chinese horoscopes)**. After the jump, you can see if the candidates’ Chinese horoscopes make you decision any easier. Even if they don’t, I think you’ll find the insights provided by the horoscopes to be…prescient.

And don’t even get me started on Little Ricky Rick Santorum….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 12, 2012 6:13 AM.

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