I know y’all probably think I spend too much time and energy ridiculing Republicans, when the truth is that the jokes really write themselves. I’m not certain I’m creative enough to make up some of the things Republicans have come up with for real.
If you’re thinking that the GOP wants to drag this country kicking and screaming back to the 19th century, you’re closer to the truth than you know. They really do.
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Hey, didja hear? The Left changed the definition of pedophilia! Somebody at CPAC said it, so it MUST be true, right? Evidently, we’re secretly working to make pedophilia more mainstream and acceptable. Man, I had NO idea we were such devious, evil, immoral reprobates. Who could have known??
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If I’d gone to CPAC, I would have learned that the real problem with this country is that there isn’t ENOUGH violence directed at the LGBT community. Evidently, what we should be doing is forcibly ridding ourselves of people who…really just want to be left alone so they can live in peace??
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If you don’t believe that Republicans are waging war against women, you’d best begin paying attention. Congressional Republicans are working to weaken the Violence Against Women Act. The GOP’s main argument is against protections for the LGBT community; the message, of course, is that if you’re not “normal”, you don’t deserve protection. Stay classy, Republicans!
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House Republicans want to strip railway workers of federal minimum wage and overtime protections. Yeah, because railway workers just make too damned much money, right? Besides, every dollar that goes into the pocket of a railway worker is a dollar that doesn’t go to a job creater. (This just in: Taylor Swift’s performance of “You’re Just Mean” at last night’s Grammys was dedicated to the GOP.)
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And you wonder why I miss Herman Cain? Try this on for size: “And there is a Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-beki-stan. There really is one.”. Sometimes, the lunacy is just too much for one lucid person to process, knowhutimean? There’s NO WAY I could make this stuff up. None.
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In Steve King’s world, the energy-efficient CFL lightbulb ranks right up there with Islam, Liberalism, and Roe v. Wade as evils that are eroding the moral underpinnings of American culture. After all, if it was good enough for Thomas Edison, it’s good enough for Americans today.
Yo, Steve; the 19th century called. They want their lightbulb back.
Right; you can have my incandescent light bulb when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
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Here’s something else I might have learned from Prof. Newt Gingrich…if only I’d bothered to go to CPAC: Unemployment benefits violate the Declaration of Independence. Somewhere warm and breezy, Ayn Rand is smiling, because she knows that until America is governed by one simple rule- Every man for himself- then none of us are truly free. Or something like that.
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Another nugget of sheer Right-wing brilliance from CPAC: Didja know that there’s a “massive Obama conspiracy” to do away with the 2nd Amendment? Thank GOD that a brave, selfless patriot like NRA President Wayne LaPierre is looking out for our God-given constitutional rights, eh?
