Last week, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey introduced a bill that would ban “the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses.”…. NPR speculates that Shortey’s bill has to do with a recent boycott aimed at PepsiCo for working with a company called Senomyx that “has been accused of using proteins derived from human embryonic kidney cells in its research.”
If you haven’t lived or spent time in Oklahoma, it would be difficult to truly grasp the grip that Teh Crazy has on the people of Redneck Nation. If it’s not Teh Gayz or Sharia or Libruls…well, without something nutty to obsess over and live in mortal, abject, bowel-clearing fear of, most Oklahomans would be lost without a change of shorts, adrift in a world that might actually make sense. In what can only be interpreted as an effort to keep order and sense from descending on flyover country, Sen. Shortey has decided that the next grave threat facing the good, red-blooded, God-fearing American patriots of Oklahoma is…wait for it…the alleged use of aborted human fetuses in foods.
WAIT…THAT’S NOT CHICKEN!!!!
For the uninitiated, it seems that some companies are secretly using aborted human fetuses in their food products. At least they are if you’re crazy enough to smell what Sen. Shortey’s cooking….
The senator says that his research shows there are companies in the food industry that have used human stem cells to help them research and develop products, including artificial flavorings.
“I don’t know if it is happening in Oklahoma, it may be, it may not be. What I am saying is that if it does happen then we are not going to allow it to manufacture here,” Shortey tells KRMG’s Nicole Burgin.
So, what’s next? Why not just put a razor-wire fence around Oklahoma’s border? Then again, having solved all other pressing problems facing the Godly Paradise That Is Oklahoma, if all you’re left to worry about is aborted human fetuses in your food, well, life is pretty damned good, no? Thank God they no longer have to worry about Sharia, eh?
Damn…and I was SO looking forward to trying Wendy’s new 1/2-lb. Aborted Fetus and Bacon Supreme Burger….
