Here’s everything you need to know about the Doritos Locos Taco:
- It’s a Taco Bell taco inside a Dorito.
- You can buy it at Taco Bell (suggested retail price: $1.29).
- It comes inside a cardboard sleeve to prevent cheese dust from getting all over your fingers.
- It tastes like sour cream with a sprinkling of dorito flavoring.
- It’s f——-g gross.
- It makes you feel like a beanbag chair filled with vomit.
- I ate four.
- I wish I was dead.
Every now and then, I’ll feel moved to write something about something brilliant, exciting, and revolutionary in the world of food.
This is not one of those occasions.
Erin may have turned me into a foodie, but even before she came along it would have taken a lot (like, say, a gun to the back of my head) to get me to set foot inside a Taco Bell. Not that I haven’t, of course, but now I’d have to be something approaching malnourished and in danger of starvation to head for the border. The advent of the Doritos Locos Taco only solidifies my resolve. What one wag described as “God-defying food sodomy” appears to be little more than an insidious device for increasing antacid and PeptoBismol sales.
One poor soul unfortunate enough to be tasked with the idea of reviewing the Doritos Locos taco took the assignment and ran with it…perhaps a wee bit too far. After consuming eight of the tacos (at 200 calories per taco) within 30 minutes, he had to leave work early, threw up everywhere, and finally curling up in bed waiting for the Good Lord to call him home to Glory.
The final verdict: if you harbor any hope of ever getting laid again, avoid the Doritos Locos taco at all costs.
You can thank me later.