May 11, 2012 6:13 AM

If we're required to have a license to own a dog or a gun, how is it we can freely have children?

Parenthood remains the greatest single preseve of the amateur.

  • Alvin Toffler

I should begin by offering that I’ve never had children. I made the decision early on in my life, in part because of my childhood experience, but also because I selfishly wanted to do things with my life that being a parent would have precluded. I’m not at all ashamed about owning up to my selfishness. I made the decision that there were other things that were more important to me than being a father. I’ve never regretted that decision, though it leaves me with what will be one the great unanswered questions of my life: would I have been a good father? I’m finally confident enough in myself and my self-worth to admit that, yes, I would have been a very good father…and that’s enough for me.

I ran across an interesting debate online the other day, one that set me to thinking. Why is it that we must secure a license to hunt, fish, drive a car, own a business, etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseum…yet anyone with the will and functional plumbing can make a baby? How is it that we must demonstrate proficiency behind the wheel of a car before we’re allowed to operate a motor vehicle on public roads…and yet anyone, regardless of qualifications, means, or emotional stability (or any other quality), can become a parent?

I ask this question not because I believe that government should have a role in screening and certifying parents (though I’m not necessarily unalterably opposed to the idea), but because we as a society give so little thought to parental fitness. Do you have a pulse? Do you have an available (perhaps even willing) sexual partner? Bingo…you can be a parent- yet no thought is given to what happens after mother, father, and child leave the hospital. What will the next 18 years hold for that child? Do the parents have the emotional wherewithal and capabilities to raise that child, teach it sound values, and prepare him/her to function once they’re on their own? Why is no one charged with verifying these things?

When systems break in our society, we generally try to fix them, but when it comes to parenthood, the prevailing theory has always been, “Even if it’s broke, don’t fix it.” The results of this can be seen in our prison population and in those who succumb to drug or alcohol addiction. Is poor parenting solely responsible for these societal ills? Of course not. Ultimately, individuals make choices. They choose how to lives their lives. They make decisions that will chart their paths through life. The problem comes in when parents fall short of their responsibilities to raise and provide for their children and teach them how to make sound decisions. How can someone who can’t make practical decisions be expected to teach a child how to do something they can’t do for themselves?

Obviously, involving government in anything that even faintly resembles licensing those who wish to become parents is anathema to most Americans. It also represents a post-apocalyptic vision of an out-of-control government which controls every aspect of our lives. I would never argue for this; I may be reviled for even broaching the subject…but therein lies the problem. We celebrate childbirth as a milestone rite of passage…which it most certainly is. It represents both propagation of the species and an opportunity to pass along our legacy. Yet we never actually discuss parenthood in terms of whether someone is prepared to take on the long-term commitment that parenthood represents. We never discuss why people who can’t manage their own lives find it appropriate and desirable to have children.

I don’t know what the answer is, which is why I raise the question. Whether it involves a collective commitment to support children and families in need/crisis or something I can’t even begin to visualize, why aren’t we collectively having this discussion? Why aren’t we talking about what should be one of our top priorities…if not THE top priority? I’m not a parent, so my qualifications in matters such as this are suspect at best. Still, I have to wonder why it’s someone like me, who’s never wanted children, who has to raise this question?

That will be all. Feel free to discuss accordingly….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on May 11, 2012 6:13 AM.

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