Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Our world seems to be getting WAY too serious for my taste these days. Thankfully, I can find plenty of ammunition if I’m looking to lighten my psychic load, so I thought I’d share the wealth with you. I hope that you’ll enjoy being reminded of just how thoroughly screwed up our world (and the people who run it) is.
Coming This Summer: For $24.95, George W. Bush Will Share His ‘Strategies For Economic Growth’ I know, George W. Bush writing a book on how to grow the economy ranks right up there with concepts like “military intelligence,” “slightly pregnant,” or “partially dead.” I wouldn’t have thought that incompetence and mismanagement could make one an expert on a subject, but no one ever said that Dubya was lacking for hubris, eh? I can’t wrap my head around what Knowledge and Insight our toxic ex-President could possibly have to offer, but there are no doubt many who will shell out $24.95 for his economic treatise…which only goes to prove the theorem that a fool and his money are soon parted.
After dragging this country into two wars, one of which was purchased with lies, deception, and propaganda, and running the economy off a cliff, Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © now proposes to dispense economic and fiscal wisdom to the drooling hordes? Well, at least summer’s generally a slow comedy season, right?
Canadian Science Museum’s Sex Exhibit for Kids Has Wooden Dildos, ‘Climax Room’. Strangely enough, parents weren’t overwhelmingly appreciative of the museum’s efforts to educate their children about sexuality. Perhaps the sex toy demonstrations and the lesbian sex demonstrations that were a bit too much for them.
Hey, if you teach kids about sex, the next you know they’ll be wanting to have sex….
Anti-Mormon Activist Warns Romney and Obama Represent ‘Twin Evils’. This argument puts an entirely new spin on the whole “voting for the lesser of two evils” concept, eh? So what’s it going to be, America? The apostate polygamist who was for abortion rights, gay rights, and health care reform before he was against them? Or the metrosexual Islamofascist America-hating Kenyan Socialist? Our future is hanging in the balance; let us pray that we choose wisely.
GOP donor wants to resurrect Jeremiah Wright attacks. It’s one of the oldest political axioms; if you can’t compete with your opponents on the issues, character assassination is ALWAYS a good fall back option. If there’s one thing that Barack Obama is, it’s a target-rich environment for those conversant in the politics of personal destruction.
How, you might ask, will Conservatives achieve their goal of defeating the evil Kenyan Socialist America-hating Islamofascist Barack Obama? Well, you begin by hiring a “extremely literate conservative African-American” as your spokesman. Then, you put forth the argument that Obama misled the nation when he presented himself as a “metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln.” Hey, you just can’t make this stuff up…and who would want to?
Harry Jackson Warns ‘Radical Gay Activists’ are bringing America back to ‘the times of Hitler’. Right; because, just like Hitler did to European Jews, Teh Gayz have a secret plan for exterminating heterosexuals. Then they’ll make their evil, godless Homosexual Agenda the law of the land, and “Project Runway” will become the #1 show in the land. Hey, if nothing else, life will become just a little more fabulous….
Stuck on Runway, Gypsy Punk Band Puts On Impromptu Show for Passengers. You’re stuck on an airplane, waiting for clearance to take off for Bucharest from Pearson International Airport in Toronto. As time passes, you can sense passengers becoming progressively more anxious and impatient. What to do? Well, if you’re the “Balkan-Klezmer-Gypsy-Punk-Super-Party-Band” Lemon Bucket Orkestra, you break out your instruments and play an impromptu four-song set.
Thank you for flying the friendly skies….
Republicans Who Campaigned To End Taxpayer-Funded Campaigning Spend Big On Taxpayer Funded Flyers. Remember, when a Democrat does it, it’s the worst sort of corrupt, venal demagoguery imaginable. When a Republican does it, it’s democracy in action. Interesting how something can be a horrific example of evil, godless profligacy…until a Republican thinks it can be used to advance their political prospects.
Move along, people. No hypocrisy here. Nothing to see….
Bauer Says Obama’s Support for Gay Rights Shows he isn’t ‘Fighting for the Little Guy’. Really? Standing up for an oppressed minority class of people who want nothing more sinister than to be left alone to live and love as they choose isn’t “fighting for the little guy?” Dude, your first mistake is the repeated use of the phrase, “normal marriage.” If you’re using the Bible as your definition of “normal marriage,”, you might want to actually investigate and validate whether or not your prejudice is actually valid (Hint: It’s not).
Yes, ‘tis better to be thought a fool and a bigot than to be Gary Bauer and remove any lingering doubt….
Tune in next time, when I’ll explain why the definitive sentence of the 2012 Presidential campaign will be “Mitt Romney’s remarks make no sense and are factually inaccurate.”