Since 1887, the Piedmont Driving Club has enjoyed a reputation as one of the most prestigious private clubs in the South. In keeping with its original purpose - the promotion of recreation and enjoyment for its members and their families - the Club provides outstanding athletic facilities to meet the desires of the membership for golf, tennis, swimming, squash, and fitness activities. Now in our second century, the Piedmont Driving Club continues to grow and is a dynamic part of Atlanta’s rich heritage and promising future.
Anyone who’s ever played golf or knows anything about the game understands that there are unwritten rules of etiquette and conduct promulgated with the intent of keeping the game a polite and gentlemanly undertaking. Then again, it’s also a game that can be played while consuming large amounts of beer, so there’s always the potential for the gentile to quickly become the puerile.
As proof of this theorem, allow me to offer up the Piedmont Driving Club, whose members like to think of themselves as cultured icons of Southern charm and gentility. I don’t think this self-image encompasses an aura of…well, “Animal House.”
It would seem that Southern charm and gentility ain’t quite what it used to be…especially during one of the club’s recent members tournaments. Among the highlights, detailed in a letter from one dismayed member to the club’s President:
One member decided to play the 14th hole completely naked, I have not researched it, but I suspect this is also a crime in Georgia.
several members urinated on one of the greens, in presence of the caddie, a female, and one or more of the members deliberately exposed themselves to her while urinating. I suspect this is also a crime in Georgia.
one member decided to show off to other members, and a caddie, his ability to pick up a golf ball with his naked butt cheeks. I suspect that this behavior — if it occurred at Bobby Jones Golf Course — would have resulted in a call to the police and the arrest of the offender.
on Friday night, one of the drunken golfers passed out in the men’s grill, and another member opened his pants, pulled out his penis, and slapped the passed out member’s head with his penis.
I suspect that slapping another person’s head with your penis is a crime in Georgia, but I’m not an attorney, nor do I live in Georgia…so don’t quote me on that.
Instead of air-kissing luncheons and elegant, opulent charity extravaganzas, Piedmont Driving Club is dealing with allegations that would stop your average Southern belle’s pacemaker on a dime. Perhaps it was just that the theme of this year’s tournament led itself to some…um, inappropriate behavior. Yeah, perhaps someone might have reconsidered the “Animal House/Caddyshack” motif, eh?
I gotta say, though, I was impressed with the member who decided to display “his ability to pick up a golf ball with his naked butt cheeks.” If you think about it, and I’d really prefer not to, that takes skill AND balance, not something that would be tough to come by after a few beers.
And don’t even get me started on the idea of one member slapping another member’s head with his…um, member….
While we’re on the subject of truly, deeply inappropriate behavior, a woman in Floriduh stopped traffic by…well, let’s just say she was taking care of business manually. Yikes; behold the power of beer, eh??
