June 15, 2012 6:32 AM

I'm not sure my brain is compatible with humanity's operating system

Making it in Hollywood should not be taken as validation of your surpassing thespian skills. As proof of this theorem, I humbly offer Adam Sandler, who may have been funny at one point in his career, but now makes movies that are…well, excruciatingly UNfunny. His latest magnum opus, the soon to be forgotten That’s My Boy, seems, at least if the trailer can be taken as prologue, to be another in a string of stinkers stretching back to the early 90s.

Say…didn’t Adam Sandler used to be funny? I honestly can’t remember…and yet he keeps making money. Who says life is fair?

So what? They all kinda look the same, right?? Here’s a pro tip, if you’re running the GOP’s Latino outreach effort (and good luck with that, eh?), you might want to avoid using a stock photo of an Asian child on your website. I may be wrong (but probably not), but I think most Latinos can tell the difference between an Asian child and a Latino one.

You’re welcome.

I’m sorry, ma’am…but we don’t allow anything even remotely erotic on this airline. Man, you’d think that Southwest Airlines would have remedied their idiot, judgmental flight attendant problem. For an airline that prides itself on being about fun and customer service, they certainly have a funny way of proving their bona fides, don’t they?

A woman flying from Las Vegas to New York in an outfit that can only be described as “earth motherish” was told by a flight attendant on the Southwest flight that her cleavage was “inappropriate.” Check out the picture that accompanies the story. No offense, but if there’s anything even remotely erotic about that, I’m the Queen of England.

Didja ever think about…oh, I don’t know…maybe getting a job?? You have to know that you have WAY too much time on your hands when building a salt gauntlet to combat the slug problem in your home seems like a good idea. If you’ve got that much talent and creativity, shouldn’t you be putting it to use for something that will actually earn you some money?

It’ll be a great day when the Army has to hold a bake sale…hey, wait, that IS a bake sale. In another example of our reflexive, never-ending, and slavish devotion to American militarism, what better way could there be to celebrate the Army’s 237th birthday than with a tank made of…wait for it…cupcakes?

Georgetown Cupcake - featured on the TLC show D.C. Cupcakes, built a $9800 cupcake mock-up of an M1 Abrams tank. This is on top of the 10,000 cupcakes they had already donated to troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Let’s hope the troops were issued emergency pants, eh?

Keep faking that chicken, Bob. I can hear the argument now- “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!!” But what if someone gave you chicken that looks like chicken and tastes like chicken…but isn’t chicken? Beyond Meat is evidently so good that it even fooled Mark Bittman, the food columnist for the New York Times.

What if we could go vegan without even knowing that’s what was happening??

Well, at least he didn’t draw a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad with a bomb in his turban. Turkey is officially a secular country, but you have to know that Islamic fundamentalism is ascendant when a pianist can be charged for insulting Islam on Twitter. Except that his tweets weren’t insulting in the slightest, and it seems as if someone really needs to lighten up.

Hmm…I wonder how long it will be before the same sort of thing begins happening here in the US?

If only she showed that depth of commitment and devotion to the truth. Gretchen Carlson is no one’s idea of an intellectual giant, which is interesting for someone who managed to graduate from Stanford (A Stanford degree doesn’t mean what it used to?). As one of the hosts of Fox and Friends, Carlson is the propaganda-spewing, easily offended, self-righteous, and ditzy blond talking head who’s a “WTF?? moment” generator. So imagine my surprise when she walked off the set in protest of some inanity uttered by co-host Brian Kilmeade (also no one’s idea of an intellectual giant).

Wow…just think what Carlson might accomplish if she actually dealt in objective journalism instead of parroting GOP- an Fox-approved talking points?

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 15, 2012 6:32 AM.

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