June 13, 2012 6:09 AM

So eerily, horribly, egregiously wrong that it's almost...right

Uh, yeah…it was, um, research for a story on local gay bars. Before you decide to wax rhapsodic on Twitter about how much fun you had at a gay bar, you might want to make certain that you’re not broadcasting your exploits via your employer’s Twitter feed. Trust me on this; you can thank me later.

Someone may be collecting BFF’s, but they may also be collecting unemployment before long. Nice work, Ace!!

Yeah, you’re going to want to talk to someone in Marketing about this one. If you’re trying to celebrate what a wonderful, awesome, world-class day care center you’re lucky enough to own…you might want to rethink using a headstone to do the bragging for you.

Just sayin’….

Methinks somebody’s gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do. If you decide to hit on the hot woman sitting next to you on the flight home, you might want to be certain that:

A) She’s actually interested in you,

B) You’re not wasting your breath trying to convince her what a manly man you are,

C) She’s not live-tweeting your attempt to seduce her (and ridiculing you) to her 13,000+ followers,

D) You aren’t trying to impressive her with your heartfelt Christianity (seduction: It’s What Jesus Would Do)….and last but most certainly NOT least,

D) You haven’t been married for 10 years (with children) and aren’t too drunk to care that you’re being exposed as a philanderer as you’re in the act.

Oh…and one more thing. Once you’ve been outed, don’t double down on the dickishness by attacking the object of your clumsy attempted seduction on your Facebook page- especially if your grasp of basic spelling and grammar is tenuous under the best of circumstances…which this clearly isn’t. You’re already hosed; just take your medicine and move on, already.

If you live in Louisiana- RUN, FORREST, RUN!!! Get out while you still can!! Verily, for the prophesied idiocracy is upon us, and it’s genesis is in Louisiana…where stoopid is a career path. Unless, of course, you LIKE have your chilluns edumicated and indoctrinated to believe that Libruls are evil, nasty, no-good America-hating swine deserving only of the most painful and excruciating death imaginable.

Everyone knows that on da Interwebs, men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents. How, then, are we to explain a “bizarre masquerade in which a 24-year-old woman posed as a 17-year-boy to con a 15-year-old girl into a 19-month-long online romance that culminated in two successful sexual encounters?” Is it just me, or does that seem like someone put a lot of work into trying to get laid?

The said thing about this story is that we’re to the point where an everyday, garden variety adult-male-sexually-preying-on-underage-girl story is barely newsworthy. To get any attention these days, a story has to be just weird or off-the-wall.

Well, that would certainly explain the container load of caramel corn that was stolen last week. In one of the more creative (and difficult to explain) heists you’re likely to run across, someone stole 13 cases of toothpicks (400,000 individual toothpicks) over two weekends.

The value of the haul was $2808…which seems like a lot of risk and work for a comparatively small return. Then again, one person’s trash is another’s…toothpick.

So, you say you’ve always wanted to be a political consultant? The Romney campaign has experienced some truly amateurish and embarrassing boo-boos: spelling errors, lack of message discipline, a candidate with so little warmth and charisma he makes Al Gore look animated…so why not take a shot at it yourself, courtesy of MaddowBlog? Hey, it’s not like you could do any worse than the Romney campaign already has, right?

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 13, 2012 6:09 AM.

Sure, you can go see Nickelback tonight...or you can have that lobotomy you've been putting off was the previous entry in this blog.

So, you're STILL wondering why I hold the American Sheeple in such low esteem?? is the next entry in this blog.

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