The Department of Health’s Centers for Disease Control and Prevention today issued an official statement denying the existence of a “Zombie Virus” following a recent spate of incidents involving people behaving in a zombie-like manner…. The denial comes on the heel of multiple zombie-esque events throughout the country and the world, as well as a rash of ominous occurrences across the state of Florida leading up to last Saturday’s face-eating attack.
Hopefully, y’all were able to make it through the weekend without succumbing to the urge to consume a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger.
This may or may not be good news, depending on how you come down on cannibalism, but the Centers for Disease Control have not been able to isolate a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead and/or cause them (or the living) to feast on the flesh of the living.
OK…but then how do they explain The Walking Dead??
At least for the time being, it seems everyday Americans are safe from having to worry about becoming zombie repast. That’s the good news. The bad news is now we really don’t have an explanation for what appears to be a rash of cannibalism, zombieism…or just plain bad manners. Consuming someone’s heart and a portion of their brains? That seems a tad unneighborly, don’tchathink??
Here’s something to keep in mind, just in case it turns out that CDC is mistaken and the Zombie Apocalypse is, in fact, upon us: you can always go to the CDC’s Zombie Preparedness website to learn how best to protect yours and your loved one from becoming just so much antipasti.
