June 21, 2012 4:35 AM

The Idiocracy Chronicles: All the news that fit to be heavily sedated

Might makes right (wing). Remember when reporters (and people in general) were expected to treat the President with respect (the office if not the person holding it)? Yeah, well that was before we had a Kenyan-born Black Islamofascist America-hating Socialist in the White House. Of course, the Conservative Media are going to take it as their self-appointed duty to harass and interrupt the President at every opportunity.

And Neil Munro will remove any lingering doubt that he’s a fool and a tool.

Neck swims naked with underage child; fill @ 11. From the WWJD Floriduh bureau comes the story of a neck (with accompanying head and eyes…not so sure about a brain) who was swimming naked with his girlfriend’s underage child. Evidently, this sort of thing is frowned upon in Floriduh; who knew?

The neck was unavailable for comment.

I realize that “young” and “naive” go together like PB&J, but this is just silly. An 18-year-old male model is suing Abercrombie & Fitch and modeling agent Brian Hilburn for Hilburn’s alleged (somewhat unconventional) relaxation technique. When Benjamine Bowers was unable to relax enough during a photo shoot to meet Hilburn’s expectation, Hilburn went all Terry Richardson and asked Bowers to engage in some on-camera auto-eroticism. At first, “was a trouper and took matters into his own hands.”

Slowly, Bowers began to realize that he was being played. Perhaps it was when Hilburn decided to Free Willy and compare and contrast endowments with Bowers. To the shock of no one, Bowers is (quite understandably) seeking legal redress.

I’d like to start a band, but I can tell you who’s NOT going to be on drums. Wow, there’s self-assured, there’s cocky…and then there’s whatever it is this clown’s smoking WAY too much of. Sounds like someone has an overdeveloped sense of…well, something. All I know is that the only way I’d ever share a stage with this guy would be if he was bound and heavily sedated.

Hey, kids!! Now you can aspire towards a career in which you can sexually violate impressionable, vulnerable young women with no recourse!! In most careers, if you coerce vulnerable young women to perform sex acts with you or on you, you can pretty much count on being out of a job before long. It appears that Terry Richardson, world-famous fashion photographer, has chosen the perfect career path for a sexual predator who gets off on manipulating women into having sex with him. While most of the fashion world things he’s a brilliant photographer, a smaller but growing subset of women know him as a sleazeball.

Those who don’t know history are condemned to…oh, never mind…. There are low-information voters. There are morons. Then there’s Samuel Wurzelbach, or “Joe the Plumber” to those of you who didn’t sleep through 2008. “Joe” has a take on history that’s…well, different- and by “different” I mean “wholly and willfully inaccurate and untrue.” He’s claiming that the Holocaust was caused by German gun control laws passed in 1939.

I know; how one man can be so phenomenally brain-dead is hard to fathom, isn’t it?

LESBIAN TEACHERS!! GET ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT!! No one would condone the idea of teachers engaging in sexual activity on school property, even when consensual adults are involved. When those two teachers happen to be (HOT!!!) Lesbians…well, some folks just can’t seem to process that concept without blowing a gasket, knowhutimean??

Sure, he’s a dick…but any Redskins fan could have told you that. Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder will never be accused of being self-effacing. Far from it. Evidently, Snyder is a dick of such epic proportions that official team biographies of Snyder require Pulitzer Prize-winning attempts at rewriting history and creating self-serving propaganda out of whole cloth.

Jeebus; would it just be easier to be nice to people, Dan?

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 21, 2012 4:35 AM.

The line between Fascism and today's Republican Party is distressingly thin was the previous entry in this blog.

Remind me again that we have the best health care system in the world.... is the next entry in this blog.

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