August 17, 2012 6:06 AM

This week's "Stupid is as Stupid does" Awards

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.

  • John Wayne

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.

  • Benjamin Franklin

Once upon a time, I semi-regularly bestowed a little something I called the Dumbass Award. As the name implies, the award “honored” those who had gone above and beyond the call of mere stupidity to engage in something truly indicative of a complete absence of native intelligence and/or simple human decency. Oftentimes the Dumbass Award went to a political figure- usually a unredeemably Conservative one- who had opened his (or her) mouth and proceeded to swallow their clown shoes, but it could, and often did, go to anyone responsible for doing or saying something remarkably stupid. If memory serves (and it’s been a few years), the first award was bestowed upon a woman who impaled a homeless man on the windshield of her car. Instead of helping him, she parked the car in her garage, where the helpless vagrant expired.

Stupid is as stupid does; same as it ever was. Without further ado, let the silliness resume:

Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL): Walsh, perhaps the dumbest member of the House (not named Louie Gohmert or Michele Bachmann), should really be hooked up to an EEG machine to determine if he possesses anything resembling normal brain function. Vacillating between epic vacuousness, gratuitous dickishness, and horrific ignorance, Walsh hasn’t the first clue about being a Congressman, but he does excel at fear-mongering- especially when it comes to terrorism.

One thing I’m sure of is that there are people in this country - there is a radical strain of Islam in this country — it’s not just over there — trying to kill Americans every week. It is a real threat, and it is a threat that is much more at home now than it was after 9/11,” Walsh said.

Walsh went on to claim that radical Islam had found its way into the Chicago suburbs, including some that he represents.

“It’s here. It’s in Elk Grove. It’s in Addison. It’s in Elgin. It’s here,” he said.

Right; like the terrorists are going to target a Dairy Queen in Elk Grove. Never mind that an American is eight times more likely to be killed by a police officer than a terrorist, especially of the Islamofascist variety…or that most domestic terrorists look like you and me- i.e., they’re White.

Instead of dealing with the real problems this country faces, Walsh has decided that it’s a whole lot easier to keep the American Sheeple scared and stupid. And Lord know Walsh can bring the Stupid. Here’s a uber-Conservative, “family values” Republican who’s over $100k in arrears on child support to his ex-wife. Walsh’s idea of debate is to shout down constituents with the temerity to question him and call him out for his ignorance and silly, pathetic arguments- but, hey, if you can keep ‘em scared and stupid….

Samuel Wurzlbacher: Most of us know Wurzlbacher as “Joe the Plumber,” a man whose 15 minutes should have expired in 2008 with the defeat of John McCain. It turns out that “Joe” was savvy enough to figure out how to keep himself relevant…or at least how to say stupid, simplistic stuff with enough frequency to make the media sit up and take notice. Sure, it generally involved doing something that demonstrated why intellectual rigor is not a hallmark of the Tea Party, but at least people were talking about him.

Now Wurzlbacher is running for Congress, He seems to have no platform or even real ideas, but he does know one thing: we should be militarizing our southern border. Shoot first and ask questions later

For years I’ve said, you know, put a damn fence on the border going to Mexico and start shooting. I’m running for Congress and that should be a bad thing to say. But you know what, it’s how I feel…I want my borders protected, I’m very very adamant about that.

Right; so Wurzlbacher would turn this country into Fortress America, a place where Americans shoot first and ask questions later. And isn’t it interesting that Wurzlbacher has nothing to say about our border with Canada- the longest undefended border in the world? Or is it really just about Wurzlbacher’s racism and keeping the Evil Brown People out of White America??

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY: Either he just can’t stand not being the center of attention…or he really is just that crazy. How else would you explain a Senator who uses his Twitter account to pass along a conspiracy theory from Infowars (which isn’t exactly renowned for being factual, reasonable, or well-sourced)?

No, the National Weather Service is not stockpiling ammunition (WTF??). The story simply isn’t true. How armed weathermen could be seen as posing a threat to our liberty and freedom is something that goes far beyond rational explanation. Then again, when you consider who Sen. Paul’s father is…well, ‘nuff said, eh?

Linda Harvey: The anti-gay radical leader of Mission America deserves inclusion in this week’s “honor” roll if for no other reason than making “gaystapo” a functional part of the English language. Now Harvey’s taking on teachers unions and their members who are unwilling to treat LGBT students like the second-class human scum she believes them to be.

You see, gay rights are destructive because soon Adam will be wanting to marry Steve and have man-on-dog sex. Or something like that.

Dave Mustaine: Not exactly known for being anything resembling Progressive, the Megadeth front man seems to be smoking the same herb Ted Nugent has been partaking of. Evidently one of those folks who can’t stomach the idea of a Black man in the White House, Mustaine is lobbing all sorts of specious charges at President Obama.

My president,” Mustaine began, before pausing to pantomime gagging, “is trying to pass a gun ban, so he’s staging all of these murders, like the Fast and Furious thing down at the border, you know, Aurora, Colorado, all the people that were killed there. And now the beautiful people at the Sikh temple.

Taking the silliness even farther, Mustaine says that America is turning “into Nazi America.” So, let me see if I have this straight: Barack Obama is so committed to banning guns that he’s willing to stage massacres in order to create a groundswell demanding gun control? And it’s all part of his diabolical plan to turn America into some sort of Fourth Reich?

And yet eight years of George Bush driving the American economy into the toilet was no big deal. Hey, at least he was White, remember??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 17, 2012 6:06 AM.

Romney/Ryan 2012: Lies, damned lies...and two competing Medicare plans in one ticket was the previous entry in this blog.

GOP 2012: Because sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words is the next entry in this blog.

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