(via Jesus’ General and the often imitated, never duplicated Jonathan Turley)
English Police Arrest Man “Spraying Urine To and Fro” While Making Sounds Of An Elephant
People are hoping to see less of Robert Moore, 48, but a court released the defendant who was arrested in Plymouth after “spraying urine to and fro into the flower beds while making noises like an elephant.” Despite his lawyer admitting that Moore has a “raging alcohol problem” and exposing himself of children, he was released and given another chance to tackle his drinking.
I realize that 2013 is barely out of the gate, but as a very wise man once told me, “Stupid’s NEVER on the clock. Stupid’s 24/7/365 and always on call.” In addition to that, stupid respects neither borders nor language barriers nor the simple desires of a man who wishes nothing more than to water plants while making elephant noises. That our intrepid hero’s hose of choice was the one [insert name of preferred imaginary friend here] gave him only makes the story that much more…um, special?
And who would have thought that a “raging alcohol problem” would have been involved,eh? As the ancient philosopher Homer [Simpson] once opined, “Alcohol: the cause of and solution to all of mankind’s problems.” A truly and deeply wise man, that Homer.
And people wonder why I rarely drink anymore….
I suppose I should gin up the required ritual righteous indignation and outrage over Moore waving his magic wand and watering the flora in a public place where there were children present. Honestly, though, if the worst thing a children has to endure is the traumatizing sight of a drunken idjit playing doing his imitation of sprinkler while making elephant noises, I’d submit that the poor tyke will be just fine. Pardon me, but I’m going to enjoy the human stupidity aspect of this story. You can explain to your traumatized, innocent little snowflake how and why what Moore did was a nasty, horrible, immoral thing. I’d give it a shot, but I don’t think I’d be able to keep a straight face.
