March 5, 2013 3:58 AM

Greetings from Austin: Who does a guy have to sleep with to see some bats around here?

You’re not a real Texan till you’ve been kicked out of every decent state in America.

  • Joe Bob Briggs

Like most passionate nations, Texas has its own history based on, but not limited by, facts.

  • John Steinbeck (Travels With Charlie, 1962)

Good morning, y’all; How ‘bout we start with something I can guaran-damn-tee y’all won’t even hear about Texas?

Willie Guzman, 47, of Beloit (WI), died after his snowmobile went into open water on Lake Koshkonong around 130am Saturday. His riding partner, Lewis Masterson, 46, told authorities they had become disoriented on the lake because of darkness and fog.

Yeah…this probably isn’t the time to bring up the sunburn I acquired on Sunday. That’s probably why the last time someone had the opportunity to ride a snowmobile on a frozen lake in Austin was…well, never.

One of the things I’d been excited about was the opportunity to see the bats coming out from under the Congress Ave. Bridge. Our hotel’s a block from the bridge; unfortunately, while we’re here and ready, the bats have yet to arrive. Maybe next time. On the bright side, I don’t have to worry about dodging bat pee. Life is good, no?

While I’m rambling, here’s something else you probably (and thankfully) won’t see here in Texas:

Four Alabama youths are accused of stealing a goat and tossing it from and 18-foot-high bridge with its legs bound into shallow water, where it died. The Cullman Times reported that the four youths were being held at a juvenile facility on felony theft and misdemeanor cruelty to animals charges.

Damn…but I think the real criminal is whoever constructed that sentence. That should be probably be considered a crime against humanity.

One more thing…I’d be remiss if I didn’t apologize for missing Governor Rick Perry’s birthday yesterday. Governor Goodhair turned 63. I imagine he celebrated by spending the day in prayer and supplication.

Erin and I are reluctantly heading back to Portland tonight. It’ll be good to be home, but five days of warmth and sunshine in early March sure can spoil a man, knowhutimean??

By the way, this was written at Zero Dark Thirty, so if it’s not particularly coherent, blame on a lack of sleep and caffeine.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on March 5, 2013 3:58 AM.

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