March 23, 2013 6:50 AM

Riding shotgun with Bill O'Reilly in the fast lane on the Schadenfreude Expressway

Bill O’Reilly wants his ex-wife to go to Hell. Literally. As we previously reported, the Fox News falafelist became separated from his former wife Maureen McPhilmy at some point in 2011, and later went on an apparently corrupt crusade to destroy the career of the Nassau County Police detective she was dating. We have now confirmed that O’Reilly and McPhilmy have been formally divorced, that she has since married the detective, and that O’Reilly is in the midst of a scorched-earth custody battle—dubbed, appropriately enough, Anonymous v. Anonymous—over the ex-couple’s two children…. To catch you up: In May 2010, O’Reilly and his wife began living in separate houses less than half a mile from each other on Long Island. In 2011, O’Reilly used his connections with the Nassau County Police Department (and the potential for donations to a nonprofit affiliated with the department) to try to launch an internal affairs investigation into McPhilmy’s new boyfriend—a Nassau County detective—for the crime of sleeping with Bill O’Reilly’s wife.

I long ago declared this space to be a Bill O’Reilly-free zone. The man’s a dick, everyone knows he’s a dick, so what else could one possibly add to the equation, right?

Well, sometimes even someone as cynical as myself can be surprised by the depths of dickishness to someone devoid of simple human decency as “Papa Bear” is willing to descend to. Yep, when you’re a dick, you’re always a dick. O’Reilly manages to stay in character even when he’s not on camera…uh, but that would mean the hyper-egotistical dickish character he plays on The O’Reilly Factor is who he actually is. Hmm…shocking, no??

Normally, I’m not one to take enjoyment from the personal suffering of reprobates like O’Reilly, if for no other reason than I don’t find that sort of thing to be particularly interesting. Most of us have divorce or breakup stories. From that viewpoint, Papa Bear is little different from anyone else. What I do find interesting however, are the lengths to which O’Reilly is willing to go to hurt his ex-wife. He has no problem using his public persona to pull strings and create problems for her in ways that few of us could manage. Clearly, the man has no scruples or morals, and the moralizing, judgmental character he plays on The O’Reilly Factor is an act. In reality, O’Reilly is a miserable excuse for a human being, and the people I truly feel sorry for are his children.

Things have gotten so bad that God’s become involved…or at least the Catholic version of the Almighty. McPhilmy’s church has barred her from receiving Communion because she’s divorced and remarried. Of course, I’m certain that the fact that O’Reilly donated $65,000 to New York Catholic parishes and schools in 2011 had absolutely NOTHING to do with McPhilmy’s church denying her the Sacraments.

Purely coincidental, no?

While he’s busy harassing McPhilmy for asserting the holiness of her second marriage, O’Reilly is trying to deny the existence of his first: He is, Gawker has learned, seeking an annulment of his 15-year marriage, which produced two children. Null and void. Invalid in the eyes of God. Never happened. This despite his manifest belief in the “stability” that straight marriage brings to the culture and concern at the (purportedly) declining marriage rates in countries that allow gay people to marry one another. If successful, the annulment would presumably render his 2004 escapade with former producer Andrea Mackris, whom he repeatedly and vividly sexually harassed with threats to take “the falafel thing…and put it on your pussy,” retroactively kosher with Jesus.

Not surprisingly, neither O’Reilly nor his attorneys offered any comment when asked for their side of the story. Quelle surprise, non?

Yessiree; hen you’re a dick, you’re a dick (mea culpa for the cheap West Side Story reference)….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on March 23, 2013 6:50 AM.

When a comic strip is more honest than the GOP, you know they're in a world of hurt was the previous entry in this blog.

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